Jerry: Unbelievable. She's not there.
George: What paper does she write for?
Jerry: She works for the NYU school newspaper. She's a grad student in journalism. Never been to a comedy club. Never even seen me, has no idea who I am.
Elaine: Never even seen you? Got to kinda envy that...
Jerry: You know, you've been developing quite the acid-tongue lately...
Elaine: [proudly] Really?

George: Let me ask you something. What do you think of this shirt?
George: Allison bought it for me.
Jerry: How you gonna get out of that one?
George: I dunno. I guess I have to wait for her to die.

[Sharon places her tape recorder on the coffee table]
George: Uh-oh.
Sharon: Oh. Is that a problem?
George: No, I just hate my voice on tape. It always sounds so high and whiny.

Sharon: Look... I know what I heard.
Jerry: Heard? It was a joke.
George: Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do you wanna have sex with me right now? Let's go. Come on! Let's go, baby! Come on!

Kramer: [enters] Hey, come on. Let's go. I thought we were gonna take a steam.
George: No, I don't want any steam.
Jerry: No. No steam.
Kramer: Well, I don't wanna sit there naked all by myself.

Jerry: Oh, look at this. A phone.
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: A two-line phone. That's terrific! Thanks a lot. Now when someone's on the phone, I can make a call.
Kramer: Yeah.
Jerry: Look, Elaine, a two-line phone.
Elaine: Yeah, I see it.
Kramer: I'm gonna get one myself.
Jerry: Where you going?
Elaine: I gotta go return something.

Jerry: I got a dial tone. Okay, this is the maiden call.
Kramer: Yeah. Wait, wait. I wanna get the first call, all right.
Jerry: All right. Go to your house. I'll call you.
Kramer: [answers phone] Hello.
Jerry: Hello. Hey, it's working. This is great. Thanks a lot.
Kramer: Happy birthday, buddy.

George: Here you go. Happy birthday.
Jerry: Thank you.
George: Two tickets to Guys and Dolls. I'm gonna go with you.
Jerry: Guys and Dolls? Isn't that a lavish Broadway musical?
George: It's Guys and Dolls, not Guys and Guys.
Jerry: You're right. Guys and Dolls. Thanks. Thanks very much.

Elaine: Happy birthday.
Jerry: Oh, Lainey! The Collected Works of Bette Midler.
Elaine: What? I... I thought you liked Bette Midler.
Jerry: Uh, she's all right.
Elaine: You said you liked her.
Jerry: Well, so what? Maybe I do like her. So what?
Elaine: So nothing.
Jerry: Well, thanks for the CDs.
Elaine: Yeah, you're welcome.

Jerry: "Within the confines of his fastidious bachelor pad, Seinfeld and Costanza bicker over the cleanliness of a piece of fruit like an old married couple." I told you that pear was washed.