Sharon: So how did you two meet?
Jerry: Oh, actually, we met in a gym locker room.
George: Yeah. Actually, it was in gym class. I was trying to climb the ropes, and Jerry was spotting me. And I kept slipping and burning my thighs. And then finally I slipped, and I fell on Jerry's head. We've been close ever since.
Sharon: Do you guys live together?
Jerry: Live together?
George: No, I got my own place.
Sharon: Oh, and do your parents know?
Jerry: Know what?
George: My parents? They don't know what's going on.

Kramer: Happy birthday. "Faruba!"
Jerry: Today's not my birthday.
Kramer: Well, I beg to differ.
Jerry: Well, I think I know when my birthday is.
Kramer: Yeah, well, you'd think so, but you'd be wrong.
Jerry: Maybe he's right. Maybe it is my birthday.

Jerry: [answers phone] Hello?
Sharon: Jerry, it's Sharon from NYU.
Jerry: Oh, hi.
Sharon: I was just calling to tell you... I'm not gonna play up that angle we talked about on the story. Oh, thank you very much. That's great.
Jerry: Hold on a second. I got a call on the other line. [switches line] Hello.
George: Hey.
Jerry: How you doing? You know, I got that reporter from the newspaper... on the other line.
George: So, what did she say?
Jerry: She said she's not gonna play up that angle in the story. She thinks we're heterosexual. I guess we fooled her. All right, I'll get rid of her. Hold on. [switches line] Sharon? Hello? Sharon, are you there? [again] I'm back.
George: You know... I could hear you on the other line.

Jerry: What are you talking about?
George: I heard what you said: "Sharon, are you there?"
Jerry: You heard me talking on the other line? Are you sure?
George: Yes, I heard you.
Jerry: Maybe she was disconnected.
George: Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she heard the whole conversation.
Jerry: All right. Let me call Kramer, and see if you can hear anything. Hold on.
Kramer: Hello.
Jerry: Kramer. There may be a problem with the phone. Hold on. [switches line]
George: "There may be a problem with the phone."
Jerry: Oh, no!
Jerry: Kramer, this phone's a piece of junk. Goodbye.
George: "This phone's a piece of junk."
Jerry: Oh, no! She's heard everything! What are we going to do?
George: She thinks we're gay. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Jerry: No, no, of course not. People's personal sexual preferences are nobody's business but their own.

Elaine: So she kept insisting I take off my coat. I refused, and then she forcibly tried to get me to remove it.
Jerry: She didn't take her coat off in my house, either.
George: You know, there are tribes in Indonesia where if you keep your coat on in somebody's house, the families go to war.

George: Fine, I'll take Elaine.
Elaine: Yes.
George: Just don't say anything to Allison.
Elaine: No, I won't. Did she see the article?
George: No. Just imagine her reaction. ... Oh, my God.
Jerry: What?
George: She hasn't seen the article. When she sees it, she's gonna think... I'm out, baby! I'm out! [runs off]

Allison: Yeah, so?
George: "Yeah, so?"
Allison: Well, this is nice. They mention your name.
George: Don't you see what it says here? Don't you understand what that's implying?
Allison: No. What?
George: I'm gay. I'm a gay man. I'm very, very gay.
Allison: You're gay?
George: Extraordinarily gay. Steeped in gayness.
Allison: I don't believe it.
George: You don't believe me, ask Jerry.
Allison: I will.
George: What do you mean, you will? No, no, no. That's a bad idea. Jerry's a very private person.
Allison: I wanna hear it from Jerry.

Kramer: Hey, how you doing?
Jerry: How you doing?
Man: [walks up close to Kramer] Hello.
George: Hi. How are you?
Jerry: Hi. How are you?
Kramer: All right, we'll see you later. [both walk off; Kramer returns] He's the phone man. [closes the door, returns] Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[As George sits by his mother's hospital bed, a male nurse comes to visit a patient in the next bed:]
Nurse: 6:30, Scott. Time for your sponge bath.
Scott: 6:30 already? I fell asleep.
Nurse: Let me help you off with that. Here, I'll just slip it over your head. The water's nice and warm, isn't it?
Scott: Oh, that feels really good.
Estelle Costanza: George, are you telling me the truth? [George is distracted by the curtain] George, I'm talking to you!

Elaine: What did you get Jerry for his birthday?
George: I got him a great gift. I got two tickets to see Guys and Dolls.
Elaine: Oh, that is a good gift. Maybe he'll take me.
George: No, I'm going to go with him. What did you get him?
Elaine: I got him a two-line phone.