Jerry: And it was his idea to put a sprig of parsley on the plate.
Celia: You're making this up. There was never a Joseph Garnish.

Jerry: Where did you get all these?
Celia: My dad was a collector. I inherited them after he died from a long and painful bout of-
Jerry: Super bowl! Hey, an original G. I. Joe. With a full frogman suit.
Celia: Jerry, what are you doing?
Jerry: I'm putting this on him and we're going to the sink.
Celia: No, Jerry. They're priceless. They've never been played with.
Jerry: I just want to touch them a little.
Celia: I said no. Now come here.

[Elaine is startled as she turns around from making a coffee and there's a guy standing right behind her]
Lou: Hi, I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here. [exits]
Elaine: Hey, Walter, what is the deal with that guy?
Walter: Oh, he's Lou Filerman. He's new here. Hey, your coffee stain looks like Fidel Castro.
Elaine: You've been an enormous help.

Jerry: Maybe you didn't see him.
Elaine: You never see him. He sidled me again in my office. I was sitting there making a cup of soup singing that song from "The Lion King".
Jerry: Hakuna Matata?
Elaine: I thought I was alone.
Jerry: That doesn't make it right.

Jerry: See, to me, the Hakuna Matata is not nearly as embarrassing as the Cup-a-Soup.
Elaine: Would you just let it go?

Elaine: Mr. Peterman, here are these pages that you wanted.
J. Peterman: One moment. I'm reading the most fascinating article on the most fascinating people of the year. And done. Oh, yes. I'm sorry I needed this so quickly. It must have been an awful lot of work. Thank you very much, you two.
Elaine: What?
[Lou Filerman is standing behind her]

George: Boy, that bank clock is eight minutes off.
Miranda: Then why don't you just run it over too?
George: Zing.
[George gets anxious as he sees a pigeon in the middle of the road ahead. With just enough time to spare, he swerves the car out of the way.]
Miranda: George, what are you doing?
George: Did you see that? That- That pigeon didn't move! I had to swerve to get out of the way! I saved that pigeon's life!
Miranda: What pigeon? You drove right onto that squirrel. [gets out of the car]
George: Squirrel? Well, we have no deal with them!

Miranda: Doctor, is the squirrel going to live?
Vet: There's been massive trauma. We could of course try to save him but it would be costly, difficult and we'd have to send away for some special really tiny instruments.
George: Well, uh, are there any other options?
Vet: We could put him to sleep.
George: What might that cost?
Vet: Well, it's by the pound, so about 80 cents.
George: Well? [Miranda hits George] I was just- I'm curious, that's all. We, uh, we'd like you to do everything possible.
Vet: He, um... He's not going to be the same, you know?
George: Yeah, yeah. I know.

Lou: You wanted to see me, Elaine?
Elaine: Yes, Lou. You've got a lot going for you. You're, um, you're spontaneous. You're symmetrical. [he's moved behind her] You're, uh, ... you're very quick, aren't you? It's just that your...
Lou: My dead tooth?
Elaine: No. Your.
Lou: My breath?
Elaine: Uck.
Lou: What can I do?
Elaine: Well, you should never ever go anywhere without these. [rattles Tic Tacs]
Lou: Thanks, Elaine. You're such a super lady.

George: More wine and turkey?
Jerry: So when I saw George on the street with an 18 pound turkey and a giant box of wine, I thought... What a coincidence. We're just about to eat.
Celia: What is that stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy?
Jerry & George: Tryptophan.
Jerry: I think. Have some more wine.
Celia: What video did you get?
Jerry: Oh, George brought home movies of his boyhood trip to Michigan.
George: Four hours.
Jerry: More heavy gravy?