Elaine: What time you got?
Kramer: Oh, no. I don't wear a watch.
Elaine: What do you do?
Kramer: Well, I tell time by the sun.
Elaine: How close do you get?
Kramer: Well, I can guess within an hour.
Elaine: [scoffs] Well, I can guess within the hour, and I don't even have to look at the sun.
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: Well, what about at night? What do you do then?
Kramer: Well, night's tougher but it's only a couple of hours.

Kramer: I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family?
Jerry: Well...
Kramer: They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. "Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?"
Jerry: Really?
Kramer: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.
Jerry: I can?
Kramer: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?
Jerry: What?
Kramer: You talk about your day. "How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it?" "Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?"
Jerry: Boy.
Kramer: It's sad, Jerry. It's a sad state of affairs.
Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.
Kramer: Oh, you have no idea.

[opening the door to a police officer]
Newman: What took you so long?

Elaine: I don't really know why I'm here. Kramer talked me into coming up here. But, obviously, I could never really do anything.
Newman: Of course. Obviously.
Elaine: Well, so, anyway, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
Newman: What kind of dog did you say it was?
Elaine: Um, I don't know. I've never really seen it.
Newman: I see many dogs on my mail route. I'll bet there's not one type of mutt or mongrel I haven't run across. If you ask me, they have no business living amongst us. Vile, useless beasts!
Kramer: Newman! Newman!
Newman: [calmly] Anyway...

Jerry: What is this? What are we doing? What in God's name are we doing?
George: What?
Jerry: Our lives! What kind of lives are these? We're like children. We're not men.
George: No, we're not. We're not men.
Jerry: We come up with all these stupid reasons to break up with these women.
George: I know. I know. That's what I do. That's what I do.
Jerry: Are we going to be sitting here when we're sixty like two idiots?
George: We should be having dinner with our sons when we're sixty.
Jerry: We're pathetic, you know that?
George: Yeah, like I don't know that I'm pathetic.
Jerry: Why can't I be normal?
George: Yes. Me, too. I wanna be normal. Normal.

Estelle Costanza: [on the phone] Let me talk to her.
George: She wants to talk to you. [hands phone to Susan]
Susan Ross: Uh, hello?
Estelle Costanza: Congratulations!
Susan Ross: I just want you to know that I love your son very much.
Estelle Costanza: You do?
Susan Ross: Yes.
Estelle Costanza: Really?
Susan Ross: Yes.
Estelle Costanza: May I ask why?

Jerry: You broke up with her cause she beat you at chess? That's pretty sick.
George: I don't see how I could perform sexually in a situation after something like that. I was completely emasculated. Anyway, it's not the only reason.
Jerry: Yeah, what else?
George: All right. You wanna know what one of her favorite expressions is? "Happy, Pappy?"
Jerry: "Happy, Pappy?" What does that mean?
George: Like if she wants to know if I'm pleased with something, she'll say, "Happy, Pappy?"
Jerry: Oh, you're "Pappy".
George: I'm "Pappy".
Jerry: Oh, I get it. Oh, that's not so bad.
George: Oh, come on. What, are you kidding?
Jerry: Well, tell her not to say it.
George: I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind there backs.

Jerry: It would be nice to care about someone.
George: Yes. Yes. Care. You know who I think about a lot? Remember Susan? The one that used to work for NBC?
Jerry: Hmm. I thought she became a lesbian.
George: No, it didn't take.
Jerry: Oh.
George: Did I tell you I ran into her last week? Oh, she looked great.
Jerry: Hmm.
George: You thought she was good looking, right?
Jerry: See, there you go again. What is the difference what I think?
George: I was just curious.

Jerry: Well, I had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza today.
Kramer: Really?
Jerry: We were talking about our lives and we both kind of realized we're kids. We're not men.
Kramer: So, then you asked yourselves, "Isn't there something more to life?"
Jerry: Yes. We did.
Kramer: Yeah, well, let me clue you in on something. There isn't.

Jerry: And she said "Yes"?
George: Well, it took a couple of hours of convincing, but I was persistent. I was just like those guys in the movies. And it worked! She said "Yes"! I can't believe my luck that she was still available. A beautiful woman like that. You think she's good looking, right?
Jerry: You're gonna have gorgeous kids.
George: Yes. She's got great skin. She's got rosy glow..
Jerry: Pinkish hue?
George: Oh, she's got the hue.