Elaine: All right, OK. Let's stop fooling around. Let's just slip him some money.
Jerry: In a Chinese restaurant? Do they take money?
Elaine: Do they take money? Everyone takes money. I used to go out with a guy who did it all the time, you just slip him 20 bucks.
George: 20 bucks?! Isn't that excessive?
Elaine: Well, what do you want to give him, change?
George: It's more than the meal!
Jerry: Oh, come on, We'll divide it up three ways.
George: All right. 7,7, [points at himself] 6. I'm not gonna eat that much!
Jerry: I'm counting your shrimps.

Jerry: OK, Who's gonna do it?
George: Oh no, I can't do it. I-I'm not good at these things, I get flustered. Once I tried to bribe an usher at the roller derby, I almost got arrested.

Elaine: I guess it's you, Jer.
Jerry: Me? What about you?
Elaine: Oh, I can't do that, it's a guy thing.
Jerry: The woman's movement just can't seem to make any progress in the world of bribery, can they?
Elaine: Give me the money.

Elaine: How's it going?
Bruce: Very busy.
[Elaine holds the money in front of Bruce]
Elaine: Boy, we are really anxious to sit down.
Bruce: Very good specials tonight.
[Elaine puts the bill on the reservations book]
Elaine: If there's anything you can do to get us a table, we'd really appreciate it.
Bruce: Oh, what is your name? [turns over the page]
Elaine: No. No, I want to eat now! [grabs the money back]
Bruce: Yes, we have sea-bass dinner tonight, very fresh.
Elaine: Here, take this. I'm starving. Take it! Take it!
[Bruce shrugs and takes it]
Bruce: Dennison, 4! Your table is ready.
Elaine: No, no, no! I want that table. I want that table!

Elaine: Oh, come on, did you see that? What was that? He took the money, he didn't give us a table.
Jerry: You lost the 20.
Elaine: Well, how could he do that?
George: You didn't make it clear.
Elaine: Make it clear?
Jerry: What a sorry exhibition that was. All right, let me get the money back.

Jerry: Excuse me. I realize, this is extremely embarrassing, my friend here apparently made a mistake.
Bruce: Your name?
Jerry: Seinfeld.
Bruce: Yeah, Seinfeld 4!
Jerry: No, no, no. You see the girl there, with the long hair?
[Elaine waves at him]
Bruce: Oh, yes, yes. Very beautiful girl, very beautiful. Is your girlfriend?
Jerry: Well, actually, we did date for a while, but... it's really not relevant here.
Bruce: Relationships are difficult. It's very hard to stay together-
Jerry: All right, listen. All right. How much longer is it gonna be?
Bruce: Oh. Be about five, ten minutes.

Jerry: I don't see any way we can eat and make this movie.
Elaine: Oh, well I have to eat.
Jerry: Well, let's just order to go, we'll eat it in the cab.
Elaine: Eat it in the cab? Chinese food in a cab?
Jerry: We'll eat it in the movie.
Elaine: Oh, where do you think you're going? Do you think that they have big picnic tables there?
Jerry: Well, what do you suggest?
Elaine: I say we leave now, we go to Sky Burger and we scarf 'em down.
Jerry: I'm not going to Sky Burger. Besides, it's in the opposite direction. Let's just eat popcorn or something.
Bruce: [holding phone] Cartwright?
Elaine: I can't have popcorn for dinner!

Bruce: Cartwright?
Elaine: I have to eat!
Jerry: So, they have hotdogs there.
Elaine: Oh, movie hotdogs. I'd rather lick the food off the floor.

George: Look, why don't you two just go to the movies all by yourselves, I'm not in the mood.
Elaine: Well me neither, I'm goin' to Sky Burger.
Jerry: So you're not going?
Elaine: You don't need us.
Jerry: Well, I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to, strangers? Eh, I guess I'll just go to my uncle's.
George: Should we tell him we're leaving?
Elaine: What for? Let's just get out of here. [all leave]
Bruce: Seinfeld, 4?

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism. Cannibalism, what do they say, I mean, they're eating and, you know, "This is good. Who is this? I like this person". You know, I mean, I would think the hardest thing about being a cannibal is trying to get some very deep sleep, you know what I mean? I would think, you'd be like... [pretends to wake up] "Who is that? Who's there? Who's there? Is somebody there? What do you want? What do you want? You look hungry, are you hungry? Get out of here!"