Jerry: He's serving Mexican, Italian, Chinese. He's all over the place. That's why no one is going in.
Elaine: Why do you keep watching?
Jerry: I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. It's like a spider in the toilet, struggling for a survival. And even though you know it's not going to make it, you kind of root it for awhile.
Elaine: And then you flush.
Jerry: Well, it's a spider.
Elaine: You know, sometimes people won't go in to a place, if they don't see anyone else in there. [Jerry pulls his sweater over his nose] You have to do that? Jerry, don't do that, that is so annoying.
Jerry: Bazooka Joe.

George: You go in the living room. I'll take the test in here.
Monica: But why?
George: I can't concentrate in front of you.
Monica: Oh, I think you're making too much of this. IQ tests don't mean anything.
George: Are you kidding me? This is the best tool we have today of measuring a persons intelligence.
Monica: Well, I certainly don't place any importance on it.
George: Well, I think you're wrong about that. And now if you would excuse me, I would like to get started please.
Monica: Good luck.
George: Don't need it.

Jerry: Thank you, Babu. You have quite a flair. You are quite the restaurateur I must say.
Babu Bhatt: It is indeed my pleasure.
Jerry: Oh, please...
[Elaine enters]
Babu Bhatt: Oh, welcome to the Dream Cafe. Our specials today...
Elaine: Oh, no, no. I'll just have a tea and toast.
Babu Bhatt: Tea and toast.
Jerry: Eat something! Babu...
Elaine: Um, okay. Well, I'll have the rigatoni.
Babu Bhatt: Oh, very good choice. Very good.

Kramer: This guy leaves this jacket at my mothers house two years ago. Now, she hasn't spoken to him since and now he says he wants the jacket back.
Jerry: So?
Kramer: Well, I'm not giving it back.
Jerry: Why not?
Kramer: Because I meet a lot of women in this jacket. You know, they're attracted to it. I mean, why do you think my mother went out with him?

Jerry: Well, congratulations my friend. You know, I'm sorry I missed the grand re-opening. I was out of town for about a week.
Babu Bhatt: [downbeat] You see how I listened. I worked very hard, borrowed more money.
Jerry: I think it's fantastic. Has a certain indefinable charm.
Babu Bhatt: You wish to eat?
Jerry: Let me tell you something, Babu. You go back there in that kitchen and tell your chef I want the works.
Babu Bhatt: Very good.
Jerry: [inner monologue] Very good? No, not very good, very great. I am very, very great.

George: She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always think I'm nice, but women don't like nice.
Jerry: This is amazing. I haven't seen one guy going in to that restaurant since it opened. Poor guy.
George: Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society we are living in, when nice is bad?
Jerry: What's that smell? What are you wearing?
George: Little cologne.
Jerry: Manly.
George: Monica wants me to wear it.
Jerry: So why didn't you say no?
George: I'm too nice.

Jerry: [buzzer sounds] The buzzer.
Elaine: It's your house.
Jerry: My house? You have to be on the lease to press to buzzer.

Elaine: Casus belli.
Jerry: What's that?
Elaine: It's Latin. I read it in some book. I don't know, I just wanted to say it out loud.

Jerry: Come on, go in. Go in!
Elaine: Have you gone in there?
Jerry: No, I'm afraid we'll start talking and I'll wind up going partners with him.

Elaine: [sniffs]
George: I'm wearing some cologne, all right?
Elaine: Sure, fine.
Jerry: Casus belli.
Elaine: Casus belli.
George: What's that?
Elaine: Since when do you wear cologne?
George: Why is what I do is so important? Why must I be always the focal point of attention? Let me just be, let me live.