Kramer: Breakfast. I gotta be in at Brandt-Leland by 9.
Jerry: Why?
Kramer: Because I'm working there, that's why.
Jerry: How long have I been asleep? What year is it?
Kramer: Look, Jerry, I don't know if you've noticed, but lately I've been drifting aimlessly.
Jerry: Now that you mention it...
Kramer: But I finally realized what's missing in my life. Structure. And at Brandt-Leland, I'm getting things done. And I love the people I'm working with.
Jerry: How much are they paying you?
Kramer: No, no, no. I don't want any pay. I'm doing this just for me.
Jerry: Clearly. So, what do you do down there all day?
Kramer: TCB. You know, taking care of business. I gotta go. I'll see you tonight. Forget my briefcase.
Jerry: Well, what do you got in there?
Kramer: Crackers.

Jerry: All right, how about this? Let's say you're abducted by aliens.
George: Fine.
Jerry: They haul you aboard the mothership, take you back to their planet as a curiosity. Now, would you rather be in their zoo or their circus?
George: I gotta go zoo. I feel like I could set more of my own schedule.
Jerry: In the circus, you get to ride on the train, see the whole planet.
George: I'm wearing a little hat. I'm jumping through fire. Putting their little alien heads in my mouth.
Jerry: At least it's show business.
George: Yeah. But in the zoo, you know, they might put a woman in there with me... to, you know, get me to mate.
Jerry: What if she's got no interest in you?
George: Then I'm pretty much where I am right now. Just got to take a ride on a spaceship.

Elaine: I had to ask Kevin to leave his office and come and pick me up.
Jerry: Well, what are friends for?
Elaine: Yes. And he is a friend, Jerry. He's reliable, he's considerate, he's like your exact opposite.
Jerry: So he's Bizarro Jerry.
Elaine: Bizarro Jerry?
Jerry: Yeah, like Bizarro Superman. Superman's exact opposite who lives in the backwards Bizarro World. Up is down, down is up. He says hello when he leaves, goodbye when he arrives.
Elaine: Shouldn't he say "badbye"? Isn't that the opposite of goodbye?
Jerry: No, it's still goodbye.
Elaine: Does he live underwater?
Jerry: No.
Elaine: Is he black?
Jerry: Look, just forget the whole thing, all right?

Kramer: Wow, man. What a day. Could I use a drink!
Jerry: Tough day at the office?
Kramer: People kept coming in, and that phone just wouldn't stop.
Jerry: We better get going if we're gonna go to that 7:00 Hall of Fusion.
Kramer: Yeah, well, count me out. I'm swimming in it. Old man Leland is busting my hump over these reports. If I don't get them done by 9, I'm toast. [drinks scotch, gags] All right, I have to go. Oh, and listen, could you keep it down to a low roar? Some of us have to work in the morning. Thanks.

Jerry: Hey, wait a second. Where you going? I hardly ever see you anymore.
Elaine: Well, l... I guess I've been at Reggies.
Jerry: The Bizarro coffee shop?
Elaine: Kevin and his friends are nice people. They do good things. They read.
Jerry: I read.
Elaine: Books, Jerry.
Jerry: Oh. Big deal.
Elaine: I can't spend the rest of my life coming into this stinking apartment every 10 minutes to pore over the excruciating minutiae of every single daily event.
Jerry: Why not? Like, yesterday, I went to the bank to make a deposit and the teller gives me this look...
Elaine: I'll see you later, man. I gotta go. [exits]
Jerry: The whole system is breaking down.

Elaine: What? What do you guys want?
George: I've got to have another picture of Gillian.
Jerry: I tried to get him one, but man-hands almost ripped my arm out.
George: You could have got it.
Jerry: I could not.
[As Kramer gulps down some Pepto-Bismol, Elaine looks back to the bizarro group who are giving money to a homeless man]
Elaine: Guys, I gotta go. Take it easy.
George: Elaine? Can I come?
Elaine: I'm sorry. We've already got a George.

Kramer: What did you wanna see me about, Mr. Leland?
Leland: Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks.
Kramer: Well, l.... I've been having trouble at home. And uh... I mean, you know, I'll work harder, nights, weekends, whatever it takes.
Leland: No. No. I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be.
Kramer: Well, I'm just trying to get ahead.
Leland: Well, I'm sorry. There's just no way that we could keep you on.
Kramer: But I don't even really work here.
Leland: That's what makes this so difficult.

Office Manager: Good work today, K-Man.
Kramer: Yeah, well, you know what they say: You don't sell the steak, you sell the sizzle. Who's up for drinks? I'm buying.
Office Manager: In that case, make mine a double.

Kramer: George, why couldn't I use the bathroom in that store?
George: Kramer, trust me, this is the best bathroom in Midtown.
Jerry: He knows.
George: It's right in there, on the left. Exquisite marble, high ceilings and a flush like a jet engine.
Kramer: Now, listen, you better not wait. I'll catch you later.
George: You sure?
Kramer: He knows.

George: You know, if I told my engagement story to that receptionist, but told her this was my fiancee...
Jerry: What?
George: Don't you see? Women like that are like members of a secret tribe living in a forbidden city. People like me have not been inside in thousands of years. But with this, it's like I've already been with one of her own. My hand's been stamped. I come and go as I please.
Elaine: Well, you've cracked it. I warned the queen you were getting close and, now it looks like we're gonna have to move the whole damn forbidden city.
George: Can I keep this?
Elaine: No, I need it.
George: Thanks.