Elaine Quote #503
Quote from Elaine in The Beard
Jerry: He went back? What do you mean he went back?
Elaine: He went back.
Jerry: I don't understand it. You were having such a great time, the sex, the shopping.
Elaine: Well, here's the thing. Being a woman, I only really have access to the, uh, equipment, what, thirty, forty-five minutes a week. And that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment, and have access to it twenty-four hours a day, their entire lives.
Jerry: You can't. That's why they lose very few players.
Elaine: Yeah, I guess I never really stood a chance.
Jerry: Well, there's always a place for you on our team.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Beard’ Quotes
Quote from George
Jerry: So, George, how do I beat this lie detector?
George: I'm sorry, Jerry, I can't help you.
Jerry: Come on, you've got the gift. You're the only one that can help me.
George: Jerry, I can't. It's like saying to Pavarotti, "Teach me to sing like you."
Jerry: All right, well I've got to go take this test. I can't believe I'm doing this.
George: Jerry, just remember. It's not a lie if you believe it.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: The whole concept of the wanted poster has gotta be the most wildly optimistic crime-fighting idea. I mean, so how does it work? Okay. I'm on line at the post office. I see the guy. I see the list of offenses. I check the guy standing in line behind me. If it's not him, that's pretty much all I can do. Okay? It's not that I don't want to help. You know the annoying thing is, why didn't they hold on to this guy when they're taking his picture? "No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go. That's how we get the front and side shot. The front is his face. The side is him leaving."
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Not conversion. You're thinking conversion?
Elaine: Well, it did occur to me.
Jerry: You think you can get him to just change teams? He's not going to suddenly switch sides. Forget about it.
Elaine: Why? Is it irrevocable?
Jerry: Because when you join that team it's not a whim. He likes his team. He's set with that team.
Elaine: We've got a good team.
Jerry: Yeah, we do. We do have a good team.
Elaine: Well, why can't he play for us?
Jerry: They're only comfortable with their equipment.