J.D. Quote #1580
Quote from J.D. in My Dumb Luck
Elliot: Come on, Jordan, think. There's got to be a way.
Jordan: Oh, my God. Enough.
J.D.: You know, there might be something I could do to change his mind.
[later:]
J.D.: So here's the truth, I was only able to diagnose your patient when I left his urine outside in the sun, where it turned purple. Then I googled "purple pee", and the internet gave me the answer.
Dr. Cox: The universe makes sense again. But, please don't think this is going to make me change my mind about Kelso.
J.D.: What if I was to sweeten the deal with a sketch of Carla's boob?
Dr. Cox: That's an otter!
Scrubs Quotes
‘My Dumb Luck’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: So, have you killed anyone yet?
Boon: What? No.
Dr. Kelso: Well, you will.
Boon: Super.
Dr. Kelso: It's a rite of passage for doctors. If you're lucky, it'll be a patient who's on his way out anyway. My first kill was a 19-year-old girl. She came in with severe abdominal pain. I thought it was appendicitis. Turned out, she was pregnant and didn't know it. It was ectopic and she was bleeding internally. I should have checked for that. But by the time I discovered my mistake, it was too late. Sometimes I look at this old hospital, I actually see the faces of all the patients I've lost. Booga, booga, booga!
Boon: Aah!
Dr. Kelso: [laughs] Priceless. But I do see them sometimes.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Board Member: Well, Bob, your employees really stood by you. They pointed out to the board that-
Mr. Mandelbaum: Hey.
Board Member: Well, you run a tight ship. And actually, we'd like you to stay on.
Dr. Kelso: Girls, thank you for saving my job. The one thing I wanted was to end things on my own terms, and since you're letting me, you can shove it up your ass, Rodney. I'm out of here.
[Dr. Kelso takes the portrait of himself]
Dr. Kelso: I'm taking this with me, dammit. Thanks for everything, Ted. Sincerely.
Ted: You're welcome, sir.
Elliot: I'm wonder if he even cared about this place at all.
Boon: Yeah. He did.
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: Okay, I'll support Kelso. But in return, I want you to put me in a full body cast and take me to the airport. I'll explain later.
Carla: Why would we do that?
Janitor: Because I'm the bigger's mover/shaker in this dump. Come on.
Elliot: You handle this. And be nice.
Carla: All right. Are you familiar with the term "delusions of grandeur"?
Janitor: I believe I coined that term. Look, I'm a simple, unassuming janitor who can control people's actions with his mind. Observe. Explode! If that would have worked, it would have freaked you out. You'd have loved it! Fall. [an elderly person falls over] Hello?