J.D. Quote #165

Quote from J.D. in My Tuscaloosa Heart

Elliot: Oh, this'll be fun. J.D., I would like you to meet J.D.
J.D.: How's it going, man?
Other J.D.: Make him leave.
J.D.: Are you bummed that we have the same name? Oh, don't worry about it, man. I'll tell you what. You're a little older than I am, so you were J.D. first. So, how about you'll be J.D. Number One, and I'll just be J.D. Number Two? How about that?
Other J.D.: Hey, Number Two.
J.D.: [laughs] Hey, Number One.


 ‘My Tuscaloosa Heart’ Quotes

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Turk: Sir, whatever happened to Bunny? We gotta know.
Dr. Kelso: Well, actually, the music came before Bunny. I learned to play the guitar growing up as a young rapscallion in Mississippi. But things didn't really take off until I moved to Memphis. Then I met the Colonel, and the hits just kept coming. Unfortunately, it went to my head. I gained a lot of weight, started wearing a white jumpsuit and ate tranquilizers like they were trail mix.
Elliot: Sir.
Dr. Kelso: Then, in 1977, I died on the toilet. Or did I?
Turk: You never played the guitar?
Dr. Kelso: Son, that crap is for hippies! Now, for God's sake, get back to work.
Elliot: Yes, sir.
Dr. Kelso: [as Elvis] Thank you very much.

Quote from Jordan

Jordan: Hey, honey, I'm home. You know, you should lock your door. There's horrible people out there.
Dr. Cox: There's horrible people right in here.
Jordan: Maybe you forgot how this works. See, when I say that "Hi, honey" thing, you take your pants off. You see, them's the rules of the booty call.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, believe me, I enjoy our meaningless post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you marry will, but your timing could not be worse.
Jordan: Oh, maybe you don't remember the terms of our settlement. When Jordan needs sex, Jordan gets sex.
Dr. Cox: Listen, sweet cheeks, I am seeing someone who...
Jordan: Let me guess! Dark hair, domineering, doesn't take any of your crap? You see, a lesser person would mock your inability to move on. I'm gonna consider it an homage.

 John J.D. Dorian Quotes

Quote from My Missed Perception

Mrs. Wilk: I choose Dr. Dorian.
J.D.: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't even believe it! I don't believe it-lieve it-lieve it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! I'm shaking! Look at this! It's crazy-talk!
Mrs. Wilk: He played hearts with me all night.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
Mrs. Wilk: You're a very strange man, aren't you?
J.D.: I was a preemie.

Quote from My Long Goodbye

Dr. Cox: What the hell am I gonna do?
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately for Dr. Cox, that's when Elliot walked by and showcased her oddest talent.
Elliot: Somebody just had a baby.
Dr. Cox: How do you know?
Elliot: My uterus is glowing.
J.D.: My mom had an uterus. I lived in it.