Janitor Quote #195
Quote from Janitor in My Hypocritical Oath
Janitor: I convinced everybody in this hospital that's afraid of me to go outside and spell out the score of the game.
Dr. Cox: Really?
Janitor: No, you idiot. I'm just gonna tell you the score of the game. Maybe knock your head against the glass.
Dr. Cox: Look, I was way out of line telling you how that movie ended, but, God save me, watching sports is one of the last pure pleasures I have left in my life, so you tell me what's it gonna take for you to let me go home, sit in my massage chair, and enjoy the game?
Janitor: I would like to perform open heart surgery.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: How about you perform surgery on me so that I can breathe underwater?
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: I would like a shark that read minds.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: You and I trade lives for a year.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: How about a home-cooked meal and an hour in your massage chair?
Dr. Cox: Done.
Janitor: Done.
[The Janitor walks over to the window and looks outside, where a large group of hospital staff have arranged themselves to spell out "98-97"]
Janitor: Hey, guys, it's off.
[He looks again and they have rearranged themselves to read "Why"]
Janitor: Wow! You guys are organised.
Scrubs Quotes
‘My Hypocritical Oath’ Quotes
Quote from Dr. Cox
J.D.: [v.o.] Even though it can be tough around here, sometimes God gives you little gifts to get you through the day.
[Dr. Cox trips on the Janitor's cart while carrying a drink]
Dr. Cox: You're gonna wanna grab a mop.
Janitor: Shush. I'm watching The Sixth Sense.
Dr. Cox: There's a mess in the hallway.
Janitor: This kid sees dead people.
Dr. Cox: That film is at least five years old.
Janitor: So what? I haven't seen it.
Dr. Cox: Bruce Willis is a ghost. He's been dead the entire time. [gasps] Oh! All the best.
Janitor: No! No!
Quote from J.D.
Carla: I'm just saying men let you down. J.D., you have to tell her.
Turk: Baby, when J.D. became a doctor, he took the Hippocratic oath. I'm sorry, but there's no way around it.
[fantasy: J.D. is playing "Hangman" with Kylie. The board reads "YOUR _SSWIPE BOYFRIEND H_S GONORRHE_":]
Kylie: Is there an "A"?
J.D.: Yes, there is.
Kylie: Yes!
[reality:]
J.D.: There may be a way around it.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: I'm going for it. But, you know, I gotta go in there hot. Turk, what's that joke that Mickhead always tells?
Turk: Dude, a guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." The dentist then says, "If you think you're a moth, why'd you come to the dentist's office?" The guy then says, "Well, the light was on."
J.D.: [laughs] That moth was crazy.
[later, to Kylie and James:]
J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guys walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, no. I forgot the punch line. You can't bail out now. Stall, stall!
J.D.: So the moth says, "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such," and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.: [v.o.] The light was on!
J.D.: "But to answer your original question, which was if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office, the answer is because the light was on." [Kylie laughs] The light. It was the light, James. Moths love light.