J.D.: [v.o.] Even though it can be tough around here, sometimes God gives you little gifts to get you through the day.
[Dr. Cox trips on the Janitor's cart while carrying a drink]
Dr. Cox: You're gonna wanna grab a mop.
Janitor: Shush. I'm watching The Sixth Sense.
Dr. Cox: There's a mess in the hallway.
Janitor: This kid sees dead people.
Dr. Cox: That film is at least five years old.
Janitor: So what? I haven't seen it.
Dr. Cox: Bruce Willis is a ghost. He's been dead the entire time. [gasps] Oh! All the best.
Janitor: No! No!

Elliot: Go ahead. Call me sweetheart and tell me I'm a pathetic excuse for a doctor.
Dr. Kelso: You made a bold decision and it bit you in the keister.
Elliot: Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: I don't like people disagreeing with me. There's not another resident here who has the guts to do it.
Elliot: I just feel so guilty about Mr. Cheng. Could you at least just make fun of my bangs or something?
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, take it from a colleague, telling that family what happened after getting their hopes up is going to be far worse than any shot I can take at that John Denver haircut you're sporting.
Elliot: Did- Did you just call me a colleague?
Dr. Kelso: I did. But I hate my colleagues.

J.D.: I'm going for it. But, you know, I gotta go in there hot. Turk, what's that joke that Mickhead always tells?
Turk: Dude, a guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." The dentist then says, "If you think you're a moth, why'd you come to the dentist's office?" The guy then says, "Well, the light was on."
J.D.: [laughs] That moth was crazy.
[later, to Kylie and James:]
J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guys walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "If you think you're a moth, why are you in a dentist's office?"
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, no. I forgot the punch line. You can't bail out now. Stall, stall!
J.D.: So the moth says, "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I do dabble in orthodontry, braces and such," and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.: [v.o.] The light was on!
J.D.: "But to answer your original question, which was if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office, the answer is because the light was on." [Kylie laughs] The light. It was the light, James. Moths love light.