Moira: Alexis? Alexis, Alexis! I just overheard three women with smokers' coughs talking about "Sex in the City".
The singles have arrived!

Alexis: Why are you not wearing your t-shirt?
Moira: Darling, Mommy's delivering the keynote address. There's going to be press and photographers there, I think it would be a tad declasse for the Chair of the event to be wearing a Volunteers t-shirt.

Johnny: Okay, with the 50% premium charge for Singles Week, I think we might be able to afford some of the bigger improvements we've been talking about.
Roland: [phone rings] Ooh, sorry guys.
Stevie: Roland?
Roland: [on the phone] Roland's phone. Hey, Bob.
Johnny: Roland, hang up.
Roland: Yeah, uh, Johnny's tellin' me I gotta hang up. Yes, they're both here, staring at me. Johnny has that upset look on his face. Yeah. [laughs] That's the perfect way to describe it, Bob.

Roland: Oh, relax, Johnny. I'm here for ya. Whadda ya need?
Stevie: Um, maybe you could head out to Elmdale and go to the hardware store, and knock the first three things off this list.
Roland: That's no problem. Sure. And anything else you want, just let me know. How 'bout a car wash? Or maybe a brow trim for Johnny? [laughs]

Alexis: [on the phone] Okay, can you just like, please try to hurry up? Because the last thing we wanna do is stand up a room full of singles.
Moira: Oh look, Jocelyn's pulling up to the hospital right now.
Alexis: Wait, Jocelyn's driving?
Moira: Yes, Alexis! She insisted! My nerves are fried! [Jocelyn screams]

Bob: [on the phone] Apparently they took Roland's phone away from him. I don't know! Well who would do that to a man whose wife is just about to go into labour?
Johnny: I didn't take his phone!
Stevie: Well, you kinda did.
Johnny: Well, in our defence, Jocelyn's a few days early.
Bob: Oh, hold on, Gwen, uh, Roland just pulled in, and hammer's about to drop.

Bob: [answering phone] Hi, Gwen. No, he's- He's on his way to the hospital now. Yeah... Snake is a little harsh, but he's definitely slippery, I'll give ya that.
Johnny: I'm standing right here, Bob.

David: So then, um, are you gonna talk to Alexis about this?
Ted: Honestly, I don't know. I don't know if I'm willing to put myself out there again. I mean, David, I spent two weeks in Mexico, alone, on our honeymoon, just trying to get my life back on track.
David: Yeah, that sounds very dark.
Ted: You know how many off-road dirt bike tours I had to take, just to get her outta my head?
David: Shockingly, never been on a dirt bike. Um, but I'm sure like a lot... A lot...
Ted: A lot of tours, David.

Jocelyn: Roly, you made it!
Roland: You may step down, ma'am, I thank you for your service.
Moira: Okay. [blows kiss] Bye.
Jocelyn: Thank you for everything, Moira. I will never forget this.
Moira: Oh, if the drugs are any good, you will.

Roland: Should we tell her?
Jocelyn: Moira, what you did today meant the world to us. And we know it wasn't exactly how you planned on spending your day.
Moira: Aw, it was nothing.
Roland: So, we'd like you to say hello to Roland Moira Schitt.
Johnny: [chokes, then coughs] Wow, that's the name is really something, isn't it?
Moira: And an honour I dream not of!