Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

Twyla: You running for town council!
Moira: What, excuse me?
Johnny: You're running for town council?
Moira: No, I'm not running for town council.
Twyla: Oh, I must've misheard. Everyone was talking about you standing up to council last week, so I just assumed
Moira: Never assume, dear, it makes an ass out of both of us.

David: Hmm. On a scale of one to I'm-gonna-get-beat-up by-an-angry-local, where do we see this look fall?
Alexis: Um, like, easy six.
David: Okay.

Johnny: It's not that absurd an idea, Moira. You know, being on town council might give you an outlet to channel all that "passion" you have for this town.
Moira: I'd sooner poke my eyes out with hat pins.
Johnny: Well, that's subtle.