Ted Quote #31
Quote from Ted in Stop Saying Lice!
Ted: Um, the thing is, that you can't actually get lice from dogs. It's a different kind of lice.
Alexis: Okay, so what should she use? Should she use the flea stuff, or...
Ted: Oh no, she's fine to use the lice shampoo, but it's really more about combing them out.
Alexis: Ew!
Ted: On the upside, you could tell her that they're only attracted to clean scalps, and she shouldn't be too embarrassed. Also, I'm kind of a samurai when it comes to a metal comb, so...
Alexis: Okay, are you sure, because she didn't want to um, she didn't wanna bug you on a weekend.
Ted: Bug me. I am sure.
Alexis: Okay, I will tell her. Um, you know that it's me, right?
Ted: Yeah, caught on pretty quick.
Alexis: Okay, thank you. You're the sweetest little vet I've ever met.
Ted: I don't know about little, because I'm benching 225 right now, so it's not really something someone little...
Schitt's Creek Quotes
‘Stop Saying Lice!’ Quotes
Quote from Moira
Johnny: Well, I thought it was a nice gesture.
Moira: Oh no, no. Now I just wonder what else you're keeping from me.
Johnny: Nothing! Well, Alexis has lice.
Moira: What?! Ew! Ewww! I assume you shaved her head! And we have to put a wig on her. But not one of my wigs! These have to be boxed now!
Johnny: Moira, I've got it all taken care of. And I'd think twice about that garden.
Moira: Oh, it's too late, the notion of that garden is as abhorrent to me as our daughter's scalp!
Johnny: And I was worried about you overreacting.
Moira: [screams]
Quote from David
David: Um, am I reading this right?
Alexis: "The Moira's Rose's Garden."
Johnny: Okay, look, I went back and forth on the name a couple of times, and I may have confused the engraver.
David: The Moira's Rose's Garden. So the garden is dedicated to a rose that Moira owns?
Alexis: I don't think that there are enough apostrophes.
Quote from Johnny
David: I don't even see a rose in the garden.
Moira: Because there aren't any roses.
Alexis: Or are we the Roses?
Johnny: Okay, I'm getting roses for the garden. I'm- I'm getting roses.
David: Oh, okay. And what are these numbers for?
Alexis: That's mom's birthday, David.
Moira: Those are the last four digits of your father's credit card.
Johnny: It was a complicated order form, all right? There were a lot of fields to fill in.
David: Um, I hope you got a really good deal on this.
Moira: It's by the letter, so he paid extra for those apostrophe "s's."