Motel Guest: I'd like to check in, please.
Moira: Oh, my God, where did you come from?
Motel Guest: I said hello twice.
Moira: Well, hello, hello, then.

Motel Guest: Would it be possible to get a cot, or a roll away bed put in the room?
Moira: Oh, you're expecting company?
Motel Guest: No, I use it to lay out my clothes.
Moira: The chest of drawers should suffice, no?
Motel Guest: I like to see all my clothes at once.
Moira: Might the other bed not do?
Motel Guest: Yes. Except I haven't decided which bed to sleep in, so that's tricky. Really, the cot would be best.
Moira: A cot it is, then.
Motel Guest: Thank you.

Alexis: And now I have to do the whole thing again, when my original paper was totally fine!
Johnny: Well, it wasn't totally fine, honey. There was questionable grammar, and a few spelling mistakes, and I mean...
Alexis: Dad!
Johnny: All right, I'll back off.
Alexis: Thank you.
Johnny: Just out of curiosity, did she happen to say anything about that quote from Lee lacocca?

Johnny: It doesn't matter. Our job is to welcome people, to make them feel at home.
Moira: I did! John, do you know a better hostess?
Johnny: You're gonna have to talk to him. Apologize.
Moira: You can't be serious.
Johnny: Moira, one bad review could sink this motel. We had four good reviews, and this just brought down the whole average.
Moira: Okay, John. For you I will talk to that odious little man, and set things straight.
Johnny: Good.
Moira: But unlike him, I will not hide behind the internet!

Patrick: I'm just, uh, I'm so glad you made such good use of my business card. I'm sorry I didn't pick up, I was at a thing.
David: Well, best you didn't.
Patrick: But I got all your messages.
David: Ah, um, and just listened to the first one, and then erased the rest?
Patrick: No, no, no, no.
David: No?
Patrick: No, I listened to all of them, I kinda had to, to piece them together. Actually, I played them for a few friends of mine, I was at a birthday party, so there were a lot of people weighing in.
David: Okay, um...
Patrick: Just kidding, I didn't play them for anybody.
Ray: I thought the first few were very humorous, David, and then I lost interest.
Patrick: I may have played them here on speaker phone.

Jocelyn: Good morning, Roses. I just wanted to pop by to congratulate Alexis on her economics paper.
Johnny: Oh, honey, that's great news.
Moira: Our little woman of academia.
David: I would love to read this economics paper.
Jocelyn: I will admit that your thesis of "Why shop in store when you can buy online" was a little off-topic, but still a really fresh take.

Johnny: Well, look at you, Alexis, acing your paper.
Jocelyn: Oh, no, no, God no. I gave her a solid C plus.
David: Oh, so she did write it herself.
Jocelyn: It was a noticeable improvement over the first paper.
Alexis: Um well, I should hope so.
Johnny: Well, m-maybe not a noticeable improvement, but um, a different improvement.
Jocelyn: No, no, this one was definitely better. Because no one helped her write it. Enjoy your breakfast.

Alexis: Jocelyn failed my economics paper.
Johnny: What?! You worked so hard on that.
Alexis: Yeah, which is why it was super upsetting when she said it wasn't good.
Johnny: She what?
Alexis: Yeah, she said it was bad. No, sorry, um "poorly written, and under-researched."
Johnny: Well, that's just not true. Well, you have to go back and tell Jocelyn that information was founded on practical experience in the field.
Alexis: It should've been founded on my research.

Moira: Well, where are you off to?
Johnny: To pick up the motel coasters.
Moira: Oh, you were serious.
Johnny: Yeah, custom coasters are a very effective marketing tool.
David: Says who?! The guy who invented custom beer cozies?
Johnny: Coasters work.
Moira: Yes, the last thing we want to do is stain these exquisite table tops.

Stevie: Hi, sorry to bother you.
Moira: I'm afraid Mr. Rose has just stepped out. He's gone to get coasters.
Stevie: Yeah, wait, he said that you might be available to help.
Moira: Did he?!