Tom Quote #499
Quote from Tom in Gin It Up!
Nadia: Um, I called earlier about the free vaccinations thing. We're hoping to set up a mobile hospital in one of your parks. [Tom stares at Nadia from very close range] I'm sorry, is there something wrong with him?
April: Tom, this witch wants to reserve a park for her satanic ritual. Can you help her?
Tom: [British accent] Right. Smashing. Uh, yes, I'm Thomas Haverford. I sort of run the whole department. Um, what was the name, then?
Nadia: Uh, Nadia Statsky. I'm from Doctors Without Borders.
Tom: Brilliant. The old "D"s without "B"s. Uh, we can definitely help.
April: Yeah, Tom's your guy. He actually used to run the Parks Department in his home country of Russia.
Tom: [laughs] This one is mental. She's joking, obviously. How could I be from Russia? Not with this spot-on British accent. We can definitely get you sorted. Right this way.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Gin It Up!’ Quotes
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: That's your will? You need that many pages to say, "Give my stuff to my wife"?
Ben: It's a complicated legal document.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't have to be. I've had the same will since I was eight years old.
Ben: "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.
Quote from Ron Swanson
Ron Swanson: Death does not scare me. What I am worried about is spoiling my children. I don't want 'em to be the kind of people who never work, live off their trust funds, who buy their wooden furniture. I will leave my children $50 apiece for the cab home from my funeral and a steak dinner, end of discussion.
Ben: Okay. I mean, look, it doesn't matter how much money you leave your kids. What matters is that you teach them the right values. But, if something horrible happens, and you want your kids to be left alone with no safety net, just so they can learn some kind of weird lesson, then, by all means, leave your fortune to the wild boar who gores you to death.
Ron Swanson: I'd never lose to a boar. [dart hits board]
Quote from Ron Swanson
Trevor Nelsson: Mr. Swanson, let's begin by filling out this form, listing your assets and liabilities.
Ron Swanson: Nice try. I'm not telling you how much money I have, where it's hidden, or which precious metals and/or gemstones it may or may not take the form of.