Tom Quote #472
Quote from Tom in Jerry's Retirement
Tom: Ron, ask me if I'm sad.
Ron Swanson: No.
Tom: Ron, I'm the new Jerry.
Ron Swanson: Well, is whining going to do anything about it? You don't want to be a whipping boy. Stand up for yourself.
Tom: You don't understand, Ron. I already was Jerry. I was a skinny Indian kid in South Carolina, and it sucked. It took me 12 years, but I reinvented myself. I'm a business owner. I wear dope suits. I have fur underwear. It was all for nothing. I'm back to being a Jerry. All right. I gotta buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.
Parks and Recreation Quotes
‘Jerry's Retirement’ Quotes
Quote from Chris
Dr. Van Dyne: So we ran all your tests, and everything looks great. You might be the healthiest human being we've ever seen. You have the resting heart rate of a 100-year-old tortoise.
Chris: Yes, I get that a lot.
Quote from Leslie Knope
Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I am putting together a scrapbook commemorating my first year on the city council. This year whizzed by so fast. There was so much more I wanted to do. But time is the relentless and cruel enemy of the devoted civil servant. It's actually one of the sub-titles of my scrapbook. Probably would've got more stuff done if I hadn't spent so much time brainstorming scrapbook titles.
Quote from Tom
Tom: Here are the last of the Animal Control reports.
April: What are you doing, weirdo?
Tom: Just trying not to spill anything.
Ron Swanson: I believe Leslie said to organize these by year.
Tom: Way ahead of you. I made two pile files. [laughter] Pilo fibles. Ugh. Filo pilos.
Andy: Filo pilos? That's not right.
Donna: Are you broken?
Tom: No, everything's fine.
April: Well, I guess that settles who the new Jerry is.
Tom: No, it doesn't! I barely even said it wrong.
Andy: Said it wrong.
Tom: Stop it! [laughter]
[aside to camera:]
Tom: This is how it begins. The next "Jerry." One screwed-up sentence, and 30 years later, I'm wearing aquamarine sweater vests and listening to Bonnie Raitt and The Da Vinci Code on my iPod. It's already started.