Jess Quote #720
Jess: Nick, um, uh, I need out of the bet. Yeah. No, seriously, 'cause, um, he's coming out of the bathroom soon, and, um, he's actually... He's the worst.
Nick: So the date's not going well.
Jess: I know what you're thinking. It's not 'cause of the thing. First of all, he's a street artist. Second of all... he called a scotch on the rocks a sko ro.
Nick: Ooh, that hurts.
Jess: I can't date him for a month... like, I can't even spend, like, five minutes with him.
Nick: Right. I get it.
Jess: So you have to let me out of the bet, please.
Nick: You're saying a lot of words, but all I'm hearing is, "he's too small."
Jess: No. It's not because of that. He has a... He has a tattoo that just says "Warrior Poet."
Nick: Sounds to me like you're being pretty shallow, Jess.
Jess: No. He tipped the waiter with a sketch of a hip-hop mouse.
New Girl Quotes
‘Micro’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Cece: Hey! Okay, so you guys are kind of bringing the bar vibe down, and I need tips, so... pretend that you're having fun or pay for me to go to college.
Schmidt: You know, if I could give that poor man some of my penis, I would. But, obviously, you don't pull a bumper off a Ferrari.
Cece: It did go fast, I'll give it that. [Coach snorts]
Schmidt: You know, when I look at that picture, I think to myself, "Is there a God? And if-if there is, did he run out of clay?"
Quote from Coach
Coach: Can you tell Schmidt that my portfolio is way better than his portfolio? I'm better wet, I'm better dry, my sexy baby is way more believable than his. Watch, look... mama change baby 'cause baby made a dirty...
Schmidt: Okay, mine is way more sexy. There are people lining up in the streets to have sex with my baby.
Coach: Liar!
Jess: I don't like this.
Coach: You can't use that photo, unless you're planning on posing for the tiny nipples of America foundation.
Schmidt: Yeah, you're one to talk, Little Miss Princess Waist!
Coach: Hey, I'm a 26! That's normal!
Nick: Yeah, in Asia.
Coach: Who's talking to you, depression-era garbage man? I've been holding that in for two years.