Schmidt Quote #563
Quote from Schmidt in The Captain
Schmidt: Whew, Nick looks exhausted. You guys obviously had a good night.
Jess: Yeah, um, I... We didn't sleep much.
Schmidt: Well, of course you didn't, you mangy little stray.
Jess: I really don't want to talk about it, especially not with you, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I know, and look, I also realize that it's gonna be a long time for me to regain your trust. I just think it's sad because if you did have a Nick problem, I probably could help you out. You know, my diploma says that I majored in communications, but my heart says that I majored in Nicholas studies. I'm just saying. I love the morning. Anything's possible. The whole day's ahead of you, you know?
Jess: Last night, Nick struggled with impotence. Oh, my God, I'm not talking you about this.
Schmidt: Jess, look, I get it. You don't want my help, but just do me a favor please. Let me know when you're not mad at me anymore so I can tell you about how men crave danger and variety in their sexual lives. I just hope it's not too late, fingers crossed.
New Girl Quotes
‘The Captain’ Quotes
Quote from Jess
Jess: What's wrong?
Nick: Nothing.
Jess: Uh-oh. Looks like we have a little Groundhog Day situation.
Nick: Please don't call it a Groundhog's Day situation.
Jess: Six more weeks of winter. Don't worry. Lie back. I'm gonna take care of this.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Stop! I have feelings. I didn't like when you did the Captain. It made me feel... bad.
Jess: Okay, I've I've never seen this sober before.
Nick: Stop, it's my turn. You talk too much and it frustrates me. Sometimes you talk even after you've fallen asleep. How do you breathe? Where do you get the words? But it doesn't matter, Jess, because I like you a lot. But maybe do that less, okay?
Jess: Nick, I just feel... Sorry. I'm so sorry. Just keep going.
Nick: I don't know. Um, I really like the instrument of the cello. I like the cello a lot, and I don't talk about it a lot but I should because I feel very passionate about it. It's a beautiful instrument. It's like a guitar but it stands up. I once saw a zebra named Gavin give birth at the zoo, and I cried hysterically. And then I bought one of those stretched out pennies that you can get to remember it and then I lost that and I cried again. Sometimes when I smell dust in like an attic or something, like that mothy, dusty, I think about my mother. When I was 14, I saw my mother change, and I saw her whole body naked without underpants on. I really like when a rap song uses a choir. It makes me feel really happy when all those ladies' voices come in and then the guy's rapping. I think it's awesome.
Quote from Nick
Jess: I don't trust him.
Nick: I know. It's Schmidt we're talking about. After he saw the movie Titanic, he started the Billy Zane fan club.
Jess: What?
Nick: Look it up. They're called the Zaniacs.
Jess: Why does that make me angrier than anything he's ever done?
Nick: I will handle this.
Jess: Okay. And I'm gonna test this cake because I'm so mad at Schmidt.