Coach Quote #9
Nick: No, stop, no, no. Relationships are not prisons, and Jess is amazing. She's sexy and sweet, and I can't lose her. So I'm going home to see her. [Coach sobs] Why are you crying? We can see each other tomorrow.
Coach: I didn't break up with Malia, all right? She broke up with me.
Winston: Why didn't you say anything, man?
Coach: 'Cause I was embarrassed, Winston. I lost her. I was just trying to fill a void with all these naked chicks. I don't want to be here. I want to be in love.
Nick: Oh, Coach, this is so pathetic.
Coach: Now she's dating some dude named Derrique. Or Derek.
Nick: Coach, you need to go home, and I need to go home, too.
Coach: You're right, man. You have to fight for your relationships.
Schmidt: Freaking Derrique.
New Girl Quotes
‘Coach’ Quotes
Quote from Winston
Nick: You want to drunk fight a cop?
Coach: He stole my girlfriend.
Winston: Did you hear the joke about the two black guys and two white guys who walked into a police station? The two white guys came out.
Quote from Coach
Schmidt: Good to have you back, old man. So, what, uh, you and Malia broke up?
Coach: Oh, yeah. She got real fat on me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
Jess: I guess her gain is our gain!
Coach: Who are you?
Nick: Hey, come... Come on, man.
Jess: It's me, Jess.
Coach: Ah, yeah, no.
Jess: We lived together for, like, two weeks. We shared some pretty big moments.
[flashback:]
Coach: Yes! We got Bin Laden!
Jess: SEAL Team 6, bitches! [high five] Yeah! [high five] Yeah! [high-five] Yeah!
[present:]
Coach: Huh. I thought I was alone for that.
Jess: You weren't.
Quote from Schmidt
Nick: Let's just get Coach really drunk until he passes out. Then we take him home. Shot contest. Like in Raiders of the Lost Ark, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm not ripping a page from that pro-Nazi film.
Nick: It isn't pro-Nazi.
Schmidt: Of course it is. It might as well be an SS propaganda movie.
Nick: No, everybody in a Nazi uniform literally dies.
Schmidt: Yeah, the... When she puts the hand into the, uh...
Nick: The heart.
Schmidt: No, not... Well, that happens, too. Nazis.
Nick: I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
Schmidt: They ate the monkey brains, and there was all the bugs. Nazi, Nazi.