Nick: No, stop, no, no. Relationships are not prisons, and Jess is amazing. She's sexy and sweet, and I can't lose her. So I'm going home to see her. [Coach sobs] Why are you crying? We can see each other tomorrow.
Coach: I didn't break up with Malia, all right? She broke up with me.
Winston: Why didn't you say anything, man?
Coach: 'Cause I was embarrassed, Winston. I lost her. I was just trying to fill a void with all these naked chicks. I don't want to be here. I want to be in love.
Nick: Oh, Coach, this is so pathetic.
Coach: Now she's dating some dude named Derrique. Or Derek.
Nick: Coach, you need to go home, and I need to go home, too.
Coach: You're right, man. You have to fight for your relationships.
Schmidt: Freaking Derrique.