Schmidt Quote #247
Quote from Schmidt in Re-Launch
Schmidt: Ugh, Jess, would you please scratch an itch I have on my undercarriage? I can't get the right angle and Winston refuses.
Jess: No, I don't have time, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Jess, please, I-I ... this is awful. I feel like I dropped something in there. [wiggles] You hear that? Loose change.
Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen.
Schmidt: Excuse me, do you think this has been easy for me to wash myself all summer long with a penis cast on? Thank God this thing comes off this afternoon. And by the way, I know what you've been thinking, and the answer is yes, I have been able to reach completion with some very precise and vigorous nipple play.
Jess: Nipple play ... off-limits.
New Girl Quotes
‘Re-Launch’ Quotes
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: But if there's anything that majoring in marketing with a minor in theater studies has taught me, it's that everybody has a brand. Nick, your brand is gypsy alcoholic handyman. Winston, your brand is Winston. Nicholas, Winstoniel, I'm staging an event to relaunch the Schmidt brand. It's going to happen this Saturday night, and it is going to be epic.
Nick: You're having a party to tell girls you're ready to have sex again?
Schmidt: Not a party; A rebranding event.
Nick: Please tell me there's not a theme.
Schmidt: There most certainly is a theme ... it is a secret that will be announced on the night.
Nick: I bet it's danger.
Schmidt: No, you're... you're wrong. It's not danger. It'll be announced on the night.
Nick: I really think It's going to be danger.
Winston: I'm going to go with danger.
Schmidt: Come on, man, it's not danger. Stop guessing danger.
Quote from Jess
Nick: How you doing, kid?
Jess: Great. My boobs are loving this unemployed thing. They don't have to go to boob jail every day. [laughs] Job hunt is on. This hospital Web site says I can earn up to $700, and all I have to do is be infected with dengue fever.
Quote from Schmidt
Jess: Hi. I got laid off.
Nick: What? Are you serious?
Winston: Oh, my God. What happened?
Schmidt: Obama.