Schmidt: Ugh, Jess, would you please scratch an itch I have on my undercarriage? I can't get the right angle and Winston refuses.
Jess: No, I don't have time, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Jess, please, I-I ... this is awful. I feel like I dropped something in there. [wiggles] You hear that? Loose change.
Jess: I thought we talked about you not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen.
Schmidt: Excuse me, do you think this has been easy for me to wash myself all summer long with a penis cast on? Thank God this thing comes off this afternoon. And by the way, I know what you've been thinking, and the answer is yes, I have been able to reach completion with some very precise and vigorous nipple play.
Jess: Nipple play ... off-limits.