Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #373
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk on Wheels
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that it?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir. "For Professor Dean Berry in deepest appreciation."
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's the bike. And it was in the dumpster?
Ronnie O'Dell: Yes, sir. We downloaded this unit at approximately 14:30 this afternoon. I read about the stolen bike in the paper, and the officer that was shot over it. I like to read the police blotter.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that a fact?
Ronnie O'Dell: Uh, yes, I think it's my civic duty. You see, I like to think of the Sanitation Department as being the eyes and the ears of the city.
Lieutenant Disher: Captain, this is Ronnie O'Dell. He's been, uh, very helpful.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sounds like it. So the bike was just sitting there on top?
Ronnie O'Dell: No sir. It was buried. It was on or beneath, what we like to call the "nadir," see, which is very important to us. Because we know when this unit was last emptied. Which means that we can pinpoint the day, and even approximate the time when the bike was discarded.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Which was?
Lieutenant Disher: 3:30, Monday afternoon. About 20 minutes after it was stolen.
‘Mr. Monk on Wheels’ Quotes
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Captain Stottlemeyer: Ah, tough guy, eh? Look at this. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Lieutenant Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: Former what?
Lieutenant Disher: Former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: You mean he used to shoot cops?
Lieutenant Disher: No, he shot someone who used to be a cop.
Vince Kuramoto: Why didn't you say that?
Lieutenant Disher: I did. It's the same thing.
Vince Kuramoto: It's not the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for god's sake, what are you two married, or what?
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Natalie, look at this thing. We've got nature on the run. Finally. Look at that. Look! It's the perfect sandwich! Perfect! There's no overlap. There's no waste. Four 90 degree angles. This will virtually eliminate indigestion.
Natalie: Are you going to help me, or not?
Adrian Monk: You can taste the symmetry!
Natalie: Please!
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't run around looking for a stolen bicycle. I still have some pride left. Not much. But my dignity tank isn't completely empty.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Natalie: Mr. Monk, don't talk like that. You're going to be just fine.
Dr. Levinson: Somebody's up. Hello, good evening. I'm Dr. Levinson. And you are a very lucky man.
Adrian Monk: Is she talking to me?
Dr. Levinson: A few inches over, the bullet would have severed your femoral artery. I'd say that's lucky.
Adrian Monk: You know who I think is lucky? Everybody else in this room. The unshot people. The great unshot. The lead-free. Bulletless.
Natalie: When can I take him home?
Dr. Levinson: Maybe tomorrow if he's up to it. Are you a fighter, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: [whines] No.