Captain Stottlemeyer: Ah, tough guy, eh? Look at this. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Lieutenant Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: Former what?
Lieutenant Disher: Former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: You mean he used to shoot cops?
Lieutenant Disher: No, he shot someone who used to be a cop.
Vince Kuramoto: Why didn't you say that?
Lieutenant Disher: I did. It's the same thing.
Vince Kuramoto: It's not the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for god's sake, what are you two married, or what?

Natalie: Mr. Monk, don't talk like that. You're going to be just fine.
Dr. Levinson: Somebody's up. Hello, good evening. I'm Dr. Levinson. And you are a very lucky man.
Adrian Monk: Is she talking to me?
Dr. Levinson: A few inches over, the bullet would have severed your femoral artery. I'd say that's lucky.
Adrian Monk: You know who I think is lucky? Everybody else in this room. The unshot people. The great unshot. The lead-free. Bulletless.
Natalie: When can I take him home?
Dr. Levinson: Maybe tomorrow if he's up to it. Are you a fighter, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: [whines] No.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, it's me. It's Natalie. How are you feeling?
Adrian Monk: Ah, my leg! Ah, my legs! They don't match!
Natalie: I know. I know they don't, Mr. Monk. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. I feel just terrible.
Adrian Monk: Good.
Natalie: I talked to the surgeon. And guess what? You have 100 stitches. An even 100. I thought that was nice of him. And, I brought you some new clothes, so you don't have to worry about that. Oh, daisies. 100 daises.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. I can watch them die. And they can do the same for me.