Lieutenant Disher Quote #354

Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk Is the Best Man

Lieutenant Disher: So who's on your short list?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, or both.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Nobody is both.

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‘Mr. Monk Is the Best Man’ Quotes

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: [sings and plays guitar] Cupid was a gun for hire Took aim at Leland Stottlemeyer Who's love was wallowed in the mire We love you TK Stottlemeyer! Mr. And Mrs. Stottlemeyer.
Natalie: Sounds a little like Light My Fire.
Lieutenant Disher: What part?
Natalie: The words. And the music. Why don't you just play the wedding march?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I am I am during the service. This is for after. This is for the reception. This is my gift. It's either that or a trash compactor.
Natalie: Can't go wrong with a trash compactor.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay, does everybody have pizza?
First cop: There's nothing on it.
Adrian Monk: I know! I ordered plain.
First cop: Not even cheese?
Adrian Monk: I ordered extra plain. No fuss, no muss. And use your coasters. All right, the large coasters go under the small coasters. And there's trash bags in the kitchen. Everybody gets one, I put your names at the top.
Mike: Monk, there's a bathroom in the bathroom.
Adrian Monk: Where do you want me to put it, Mike? In the kitchen?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, we have a victim founded in Colin Park. He was shot once and then burned.
Adrian Monk: I read the file, so where are we?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Still unidentified. Randy, what do we know about him?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, we know he was flammable. That's pretty much it.

Lieutenant Disher Quotes

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion

Lieutenant Disher: Captain? I tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number one, it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He, uh, got a waiver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. Number two, he's dead. He died in 1995. And number three, he moved to Europe in the late '80s. So there's no record of him ever returning-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy. Randy, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you but could you read number two again?
Lieutenant Disher: Okeydoke. He's dead.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. See, I probably would have stopped reading after number two. In fact, I would have read number two first.
Lieutenant Disher: You would have switched 'em?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.

Quote from Mr. Monk's 100th Case

Adrian Monk: What about her lipstick?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Lipstick? Looks like he took it.
Lieutenant Disher: Lipstick Killer. Lipstick Assassin. Mr. Lipstick. I've always wanted to name one of these guys.
James Novak: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: If you can name them, you can catch them.
James Novak: Why?

Quote from Mr. Monk on Wheels

Captain Stottlemeyer: Ah, tough guy, eh? Look at this. See that? That's a bullet. That's a bullet that got dug out of our very dear friend's leg tonight.
Lieutenant Disher: That makes your cousin a former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: Former what?
Lieutenant Disher: Former cop shooter.
Vince Kuramoto: You mean he used to shoot cops?
Lieutenant Disher: No, he shot someone who used to be a cop.
Vince Kuramoto: Why didn't you say that?
Lieutenant Disher: I did. It's the same thing.
Vince Kuramoto: It's not the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for god's sake, what are you two married, or what?