Sister Sally: Adrian, time to go.
Adrian Monk: Can I sit up front? I always sit up front.
Brother Ted: Of course you can sit up front.
Sister Sally: Yeah.
Brother Ted: Whatever you want, Adrian. Whatever makes you happy.
Adrian Monk: Okay, great.

Sister Sally: We own the whole mountain, over 4,000 acres. We have food, water, solar power. We never even need to leave the ranch. Most of us don't.
Brother Ted: The system is going to fail, Adrian. A great blanket of darkness will descend and when it does, we'll be ready.
Sister Sally: We'll be ready. Will you be ready?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. To be honest, this is the first I've ever heard about the whole blanket of darkness deal.

Sister Sally: There he is.
Adrian Monk: He sure doesn't seem worried.
Brother Ted: About what?
Adrian Monk: By the girl who was killed. According to the newspapers.
Sister Sally: The devil rags.
Adrian Monk: That's what I meant, thank you. The devil rags.

Ralph Roberts: Okay. As you people know, I have never been sick a day in my life. [followers cheer] People ask me, how do I do it? What is my secret? Is there some sort of special prescription? Some sort of New Age medicine? [laughter] No, the only medication I've been taking is four milligrams of the light! [cheers] To be taken as needed. [applause]
Ralph Roberts: We have a new member of the family. I want you to welcome him. Brother Adrian, I am sensing fear. You are filled with fear.
Adrian Monk: That is true.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I found him.
Natalie: Mr. Monk?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Natalie: Thank God. Is he okay?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know. It's complicated.
Lieutenant Disher: Where is he?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's at the airport. He sold me this. I barely recognized him. He was wearing one of those yellow shirts, and he was smiling.

Adrian Monk: Make sure they're all diagonally cut. Brother Zack. Brother Zack, what are you doing? You're mixing the Gloriosa liles with the calathiums.
Brother Zack: Sorry.
Adrian Monk: We cannot afford any mistakes. I promised father we'd sell a thousand of these by the end of the week. Don't worry. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I like you, Zack. I like your enthusiasm. You remind me of myself when I first got here.
Brother Zack: But you've only been here-
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna tell father how well you're doing.

Natalie: Hello. Mr. Monk, are you hungry?
Adrian Monk: You can't keep me here. It's against the law.
Natalie: I'm sorry, Mr. Monk. We didn't know what else to do.
Adrian Monk: Father warned us this would happen.
Natalie: Here. You haven't eaten all day.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Natalie: Chicken pot pie. It's your favorite.
Adrian Monk: I don't eat anything I haven't grown myself. You don't know me at all.
Natalie: Yes, I do. I'm here because you don't know you.

Natalie: He wouldn't eat.
Dr. Kroger: He'll eat. Eventually.
Natalie: He acted like I was trying to poison him. I feel like the mother in The Exorcist.

Dr. Kroger: Leland, why don't you go in and talk to him. But, um, leave your watch here so that he doesn't know what time it is. We want to keep him disoriented.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That shouldn't be too hard.

Captain Stottlemeyer: How you doin'? What's the matter? Father got your tongue? I brought you a gift. You remember the Amanda Clark case. Remember her parents? And the promise that you made? Maybe you remember this. What was done to her.
Adrian Monk: It wasn't him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, we've got an eyewitness. He was seen attacking her. She was 22 years old.
Adrian Monk: It couldn't have been him. As father says, we don't hate our enemies, we pity them.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, it looks like your father pitied this poor girl to death.
Adrian Monk: I pity you, Leland. [Stottlemeyer laughs] [Monk sings] Father please protect me