Dr. Bell: Well, it's 10:00. I think we should get started.
Adrian Monk: Where's everyone else?
Dr. Bell: Well, as you know, we had three members who were... Well, who died.
Adrian Monk: What about Harold?
Dr. Bell: Harold Krenshaw did something quite extraordinary. He found another doctor.
Adrian Monk: I don't understand.
Dr. Bell: He wanted you to have these sessions with me all to yourself. You have quite a friend there, Adrian. A friend like that is a blessing.
Adrian Monk: Harold?
Dr. Bell: Now, as far as your HMO is concerned, these sessions are still technically group sessions. You'll just be a group of one. [Monk chuckles] So let's get started. Congratulations on your beating claustrophobia. I'm proud of you. So what's next?
Adrian Monk: Okay, um... "Death."
Dr. Bell: Death? That's gonna be a tough one.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Could you sit here?
Dr. Bell: Of course. So...
Adrian Monk: I like this. I think I should have tried group therapy a long time ago.
Dr. Bell: This is a good group.

Natalie: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: The dishes.
Natalie: That's not the dishes. That's a dish, one dish. You can't waste water like that, Mr. Monk. Haven't you been reading the papers? We're in the middle of a huge drought.
Adrian Monk: Not the middle. Nobody can really say if it's actually in the middle.
Natalie: It's a big problem. It's all over the news. The reservoir's almost empty. Nobody's washing their cars or watering their lawns.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, what was I supposed to do? I had an omelet.
Natalie: That's not funny, Mr. Monk. What if everybody felt like that?
Adrian Monk: Do they?
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: So we're okay.

Natalie: Uh-oh. Oh, no. It's a new policy. It's about your therapy. They're putting a cap on the number of sessions.
Adrian Monk: Well, how many?
Natalie: 2,000.
Adrian Monk: Well, that's no problem. I go four times a week, so we're not even close.
Natalie: No, that's not 2,000 per year, Mr. Monk. That's total. 2,000 total in your life.
Adrian Monk: Total?
Natalie: I'm sure you're fine. That's a pretty big number. It says here that's seven times the national average. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: I'm adding. 1964, 1965.
Natalie: Wait, you started in 1964?
Adrian Monk: No, those are the number of sessions.
Natalie: How many are left? [Monk raises one finger]

Dr. Bell: Oh, that's good. Takes a water shortage to make you appreciate how refreshing a cold glass can be. But I guess that's human nature. When something is rationed.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't care about that! I don't want to hear any small talk today, okay? No small talk. Only big talk. Big, vast talk.

Dr. Bell: Adrian, I'm so glad you changed your mind. Come in, come in. We're just getting started.
Rhonda: Who is this?
Dr. Bell: This is Adrian. Yes, he's gonna join our little group. Our little band of brothers? I think you'll fit right in.
Rhonda: What, without asking us?
Dr. Bell: Rhonda, it's not your decision. Adrian, this is Rhonda.
Adrian Monk: Hello.
Rhonda: It's nothing personal. I just don't like surprises.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you don't have to apologize.
Adrian Monk: You're right. I'm sorry that I'm sorry.
Rhonda: Adrian, this is Augie.
Augie Wellman: Arachnophobia, agoraphobia, claustrophobia.
Dr. Bell: Augie, we've talked about this before. You don't have to tell everybody about your phobias.
Rhonda: I just hate it when he does that.
Augie Wellman: You hate when anybody does anything.
Rhonda: Oh, shut up.

Dr. Bell: Adrian, why don't you take a seat?
Rhonda: Wait, excuse me. He cannot sit there. You can't sit there! This is Barbara's seat.
Adrian Monk: Barbara?
Dr. Bell: Yes, she was in our group. She died three weeks ago.
Augie Wellman: She drowned in her swimming pool.
Rhonda: It doesn't matter how she died! The point is that was her regular seat, and I just think it is disrespectful. [puts out another seat for Monk]
Adrian Monk: Thank you.

Cashier: Sir, are you buying anything?
Harold Krenshaw: No, I'm just trying to get him to quit my group.
Adrian Monk: Forget it. I'm not quitting.
Harold Krenshaw: Why not? You were just complaining about it five minutes ago. You said you hated it.
Adrian Monk: That was before I knew you wanted me to quit. Hey, I'll see you Thursday. I'll save you a seat. [to the cashier] I have a coupon.

Adrian Monk: What are the odds?
Captain Stottlemeyer: The odds of what?
Adrian Monk: Two dead in two months from the same group.

Rhonda: I just don't understand. Why would Augie jump? He didn't seem that depressed.
Harold Krenshaw: Maybe he saw a ladybug. Or a firefly.
Adrian Monk: He didn't jump.
Rhonda: The newspapers said-
Adrian Monk: I know what they said. The police withheld some information. The truth is we still don't know the exact cause of death.
Dr. Bell: Oh?
Adrian Monk: I think Augie was murdered. I think someone tied him up and dragged him to that roof.
Rhonda: Oh, my God!
Harold Krenshaw: Dr. Bell, I don't know what to feel. Tell me what to feel.
Dr. Bell: I think we should all feel confused.
Harold Krenshaw: Confused, I can do that.

Dr. Bell: All right, let's not get carried away here. It's just a theory.
Harold Krenshaw: It was him. It was Monk!
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Harold Krenshaw: He hates us. I heard him yesterday talking at the supermarket. He hates all of us.
Adrian Monk: I didn't say that, exactly.
Harold Krenshaw: And he said you were boring. He said that he hated all your stories, which, in my opinion, are the highlights of every session.
Adrian Monk: That's not what I meant, Doc.
Dr. Bell: That's all right, Adrian. I admit that I happen, on occasion, to ramble on. I get carried away occasionally. That's all.