Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. It's the same pigeon. So what?
Adrian Monk: Remember? It was eating something, from right near the victim's hand. And now, five hours later It's dead. I think it's been poisoned.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You want me to do an autopsy on the pigeon.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Lieutenant Disher: Why? What would that mean?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. But it would mean something. It would be another piece of the puzzle.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okey-dokey. Give me the pigeon. Lieutenant, get that to the lab.
Lieutenant Disher: Thanks.
Adrian Monk: Happy Halloween.

Adrian Monk: He's not coming.
Ambrose Monk: He'll be here. Why would... Why would he call and not show up?
Adrian Monk: Because that's what he does. We're better off.
Ambrose Monk: Don't say that. Don't say that!
Adrian Monk: We're better off!
Ambrose Monk: Don't you say that. Don't you dare say that! [takes candy bar]
Julie Teeger: Thought you said you didn't have any extra.
Ambrose Monk: I don't care. It's my candy. [to Monk] You know what your problem is? You have never learned to wait. Never!

Captain Stottlemeyer: [on the phone with Monk] You were right about the pigeon. The bird was poisoned. I had them go back and do a tox scan on the armored car driver. Turns out he had been poisoned too before he was shot. The poison was called-
Lieutenant Disher: Tetrachlorodrine.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Tetrachlorodrine, very deadly.
Lieutenant Disher: Stronger than arsenic.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's stronger than arsenic. It came straight from the lab. It hadn't even been diluted yet. And get this. We just talked to the plant manager here. Turns out some of the stuff had been stolen. They didn't realize it until today because they caught the guy trying to put it back.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait. He was putting it back?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, they had to let him go. He denied anything and they didn't have any evidence. The guy's name is...
Lieutenant Disher: Gilstrap.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Gilstrap. He worked here part time fixing computers.
Adrian Monk: Gilstrap? Paul Gilstrap?

Adrian Monk: Ambrose! Ambrose, don't eat the candy!
Ambrose Monk: I paid for it.
Adrian Monk: No, spit it out. Spit it out. It could be poisoned.
Ambrose Monk: What?
Adrian Monk: That's what this whole thing has been about. It's been spiked with tetrachlorodrine. Is there a Neptune bar in here?
Ambrose Monk: Not anymore there isn't.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God! Natalie, call 911.
Natalie: My god!
Ambrose Monk: Thought it tasted funny. Tetrachlorodrine?
Adrian Monk: The guy down the street was trying to kill his wife.
Ambrose Monk: It's too late.
Adrian Monk: Don't say that, don't say that. Just get up, get up now! Natalie, help me.
Ambrose Monk: Adrian. Adrian. Tetrachlorodrine is a synthetic insecticide.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, help me!
Ambrose Monk: There is no antidote. I'll be dead in five minutes.

Ambrose Monk: Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I'm with you, I'm right here.
Ambrose Monk: Tell me who did this.
Adrian Monk: Ssh. It doesn't matter.
Ambrose Monk: It matters to me. I don't want to die without knowing. Tell me, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Here's what happened. His name is Paul Gilstrap. He wanted to kill his wife. He worked in a laboratory where they made tetrachlorodrine. A few days ago, he snuck in there and he stole some of it. Ambrose, I met his wife when I went trick-or-treating with Julie. And she said that she ate a Neptune bar every night before bed. Gilstrap poisoned her candy. But he couldn't poison just one. He wanted to make it look like there was a serial killer on the loose, so he had to poison a lot of other candy bars. Put them back into circulation.
Ambrose Monk: So his wife would just be another victim.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Ambrose Monk: It's a good plan.
Adrian Monk: But he made a mistake. He got caught trying to put the poison back.
Ambrose Monk: Ruined everything.
Adrian Monk: That's right. It ruined everything. Because now if his wife or anyone else died from tetrachlorodrine, they'd know it was him. So he was desperate. He had to get all of the poisoned candy bars out of circulation. He found them all except for two.
Ambrose Monk: Right.
Adrian Monk: The armored car driver had one. He had already taken a bite. If the driver just dropped dead, Gilstrap knew there'd be an autopsy. So he had to think fast. He grabbed the driver's gun and shot him repeatedly. Who would bother looking for poison in a guy who had been shot five times?
Ambrose Monk: Which left just one candy bar. The one I ate.
Adrian Monk: That's right. He's been trying to get it back all night.

Ambrose Monk: Adrian, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Adrian Monk: What are you talking about?
Ambrose Monk: Dad.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no.
Ambrose Monk: I drove him away.
Adrian Monk: No.
Ambrose Monk: He couldn't stand me.
Adrian Monk: No.
Ambrose Monk: He couldn't stand me, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: It was my fault.
Ambrose Monk: No, I'm sorry.
Adrian Monk: It was me.
Ambrose Monk: You're a good brother, Adrian. I love you.
Adrian Monk: I love you.

Ambrose Monk: Don't cry, Adrian. Be strong now.
Adrian Monk: Is that another Neptune bar? [sniffs the bar] Where's the wrapper from the one he ate?
Paramedic: It's right here.
Ambrose Monk: What? What?
Adrian Monk: This one expired 11 months ago.
Ambrose Monk: That must be the candy bar left over from last year.
Adrian Monk: From last Halloween?
Ambrose Monk: That's why it tasted funny. That's why it tasted funny.
Adrian Monk: So this...
Ambrose Monk: This is the, this is the poison. [all laugh] That's why it tasted funny. That's why it tasted funny! This is the... This is the one with poison. I had, I had a stomachache. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Everyone got so upset.

Natalie: Ambrose, about our date. Is Friday okay?
Ambrose Monk: No, Natalie. That's okay. You don't have to. You thought I was dying.
Natalie: I'll be here Friday.
Julie Teeger: Hey, look. There's a note.
Adrian Monk: "Stopped by. Nobody home. Can't blame you. I wouldn't wait for me either. Dad. P.S. Ambrose, I'm proud of you for getting out of the house."
Ambrose Monk: He said he was proud of me? You think he'll be back?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Ambrose Monk: I think he'll be back. Maybe we should, uh, go inside. Let's go inside. It's better, inside. Excuse me.

Adrian Monk: Natalie works for me. Strictly professional, okay?
Ambrose Monk: Is she seeing anybody else?
Adrian Monk: Why? Why?
Ambrose Monk: ... No reason.