Adrian Monk: Do you have any more of these Odor Eaters?
Drugstore Manager: How many do you need?
Adrian Monk: Oh, about trillion.

Adrian Monk: Here it is. Here it is. He paid cash. Bottled water. A pack of Belgium Gold cigarettes. And...
Natalie: A wrist bandage.
Adrian Monk: Of course! Here's what happened. The mayor snuck into Jimmy Cusack's office shot him in the head. He made it look like a suicide. Then, he realized that he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. Because Jimmy Cusack was left-handed. Nobody would ever believe he would shoot himself with this right hand. But, Jimmy Cusack was already dead. What could the Mayor do?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Put a bandage on the other wrist.
Adrian Monk: Exactly! He walked two blocks, came in here, bought the wrist bandage, then he went back to Jimmy Cusack's office and made it look like Jimmy Cusack had a sprained left hand. And it would have worked too, except...
Natalie: He forgot his umbrella.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, it should be easy enough to prove. He's the mayor, for God's sake. Who rang this up?
Drugstore Manager: Let's see. It says Cashier number one. Oh, that would be me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, do you remember who you sold that to?
Drugstore Manager: Maybe I do.
Lieutenant Disher: There's no reward.
Drugstore Manager: I have no idea. There's so many people that come here. It could have been anybody. We get all kinds in here.
Adrian Monk: Okay, was it him?
Drugstore Manager: [scoffs] The mayor? What would the mayor be doing in my store at 12:30 in the morning?
Adrian Monk: Buying a wrist bandage!
Drugstore Manager: No. I-it wasn't him.
Adrian Monk: It was him.
Drugstore Manager: It wasn't him.
Adrian Monk: It was him!
Drugstore Manager: No, it wasn't him.
Adrian Monk: It was him.
Drugstore Manager: Look, I'm not an idiot. I think I would notice if the mayor of San Francisco was in my store at 12:30 in the morning! It wasn't him.
Lieutenant Disher: So, you were wrong? 'Cause usually when you say, "Here's what happened", it's pretty much what happened.
Adrian Monk: Captain, it's the stench. It's everywhere. I- I- I can't possibly...
Captain Stottlemeyer: It wasn't the mayor, Monk! I'm gonna have to go out to the press and retract everything!
Drugstore Manager: So? What's the big deal? Oh, like he's never been wrong before?
Natalie: No. No, he hasn't.

Adrian Monk: It wasn't Alice Cooper.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know.
Adrian Monk: Leland. I got it. I just got it. Remember that receipt from the drugstore? The guy that bought that wrist bandage also bought some cigarettes.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's right. Belgium Gold.
Adrian Monk: The union accountant, Ron Nealy, was smoking imported cigarettes. The box said Belgium Gold!
Captain Stottlemeyer: The accountant. Now, you're making sense. He ran the pension fund. He could have been skimming money for years.
Adrian Monk: And he was about to get caught. He knew they'd be going over the books as part of the negotiation. Here's what happened. I mean, here's what really happened Nealy killed Cusack and made it look like a suicide.
Captain Stottlemeyer: But he screwed up. Then he had to run out and buy a wrist bandage. That makes sense. But wait. He grabbed the mayor's umbrella.
Adrian Monk: Yes, he did.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How did it get it?
Adrian Monk: The mayor left it there. The mayor was in Cusack's office earlier that night. They were meeting secretly trying to settle the strike. Officially, the two sides were not supposed to be talking. That's why the mayor could never admit he was there. It would have been political suicide.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk. I have been burned twice this week already. Are you sure about this? I mean, are you absolutely sure? [Monk smiles] That's good enough for me.

Ronnie: Mr. Monk, our hero.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no, you're the hero! No, you're the hero.
Ronnie: No, you're the her--
Adrian Monk: We're all heroes! Except for Natalie. One bag at a time, gentlemen, that's the way we do it. Don't forget the bag of water. Thank you, Morris. Thank you, guys.
Morris: No, we should be thanking you. You saved our pension fund.
Ronnie: And you got us a brand-new contract. Anything you want, Mr. Monk, you let us know.
Adrian Monk: All right. You guys do great work. Great work. Wait, wait, hold it. Excuse me, gentlemen. What about this, the confetti? You just can't leave that there. Right? I mean, uh, you can't leave that. Thank you. I wouldn't have thrown it if I thought it was gonna stay in the street. How 'bout, uh, probably start back around... There's a little bit around the corner there. Yeah, this is good, right here. And then you might want to make sure you get under the... Get under the paper. That's it. Whoa, no! Natalie, Natalie. Don't- Don't- Don't you do that. Let them do that. It's their job.
Natalie: Sorry.
Adrian Monk: It's their job. You work for me, remember, not for them.