Kevin Dorfman: Who is it?
Adrian Monk: It's Trudy's father. It's my father-in-law.
Kevin Dorfman: Yeah, he called this morning.
Adrian Monk: Why didn't you tell me?
Kevin Dorfman: I did. I wrote it on a Post-it note. We need more of those, by the way. We're out of them.

Adrian Monk: Oh, happy birthday.
Dwight Ellison: Oh, thank you.
Adrian Monk: Did you get my card?
Dwight Ellison: Uh, yes, I did.
Adrian Monk: Did you look inside? 'Cause the punch line was on the inside.
Dwight Ellison: Yes, I did. It was very funny.
Adrian Monk: It was a pun.
Dwight Ellison: It was very funny. It's on my mantel. Everybody likes it.

Dwight Ellison: Val Birch. This is my old friend, Adrian Monk.
Val Birch: Adrian. Well, gym class must have been hell with a name like that.
Adrian Monk: Yes. Yes, it was. Thank you.
Val Birch: [to sound guy] Are you nearly done, or do you just like touching me?
Dwight Ellison: Adrian's here from San Francisco.
Val Birch: Oh, Frisco. God-awful town. I was there last year. It was foggy the whole week. When are they going to do something about all that fog?
Adrian Monk: Well, I, I don't know. I'll make some calls.
Val Birch: I couldn't see a damn thing, not even that, um... Uh, Golden Bridge they got.
Adrian Monk: The Golden Gate.
Val Birch: No, genius, the bridge.
Adrian Monk: Right. That's what they call it the Golden...

Adrian Monk: What are you doing? What is that?
Kevin Dorfman: It's Roddy Lankman's pencil. Yeah, those are his teeth marks. This is what you call a collectible. You can look, but don't touch.
Adrian Monk: I don't want to touch it.
Kevin Dorfman: Yeah, right. Seriously, don't touch it.

Roddy Lankman: The next question, for $1,500. Which Monarch is sometimes known as "the Tragic queen"? Was it A, Queen Elizabeth, B, Marie Antoinette, C, Catherine the Great...
Val Birch: [buzzes] B, Mary Ann Tonette.
Roddy Lankman: Uh, that is correct. Marie Antoinette.
Adrian Monk: [to Kevin] He mispronounced it.

Dwight Ellison: Oh, honey, this is Kevin Dorfman.
Marcia Ellison: Hello.
Kevin Dorfman: Kevin Dorfman. I live above Adrian. May I say what a lovely home you have here.
Marcia Ellison: Oh, thank you.
Kevin Dorfman: Spanish style, isn't it?
Marcia Ellison: Yes.
Kevin Dorfman: Yes, I thought so. I grew up in a house just like this, except the dining room was over on this side...

[flashback:]
Trudy: Hi, mom, dad. This is Adrian.
Adrian Monk: Mr. and Mrs. Ellison.
Dwight Ellison: It's Dwight and Marcia.
Marcia Ellison: I feel like we're old friends, the way Trudy talks about you. She's been sending us articles and newspaper stories.
Adrian Monk: You can believe about 40% of that stuff.

Marcia Ellison: It's still how she left it. Do you want to go in? There might be something you want to keep.
Adrian Monk: I can't.
Marcia Ellison: I know. It took me 2 and half years.
Adrian Monk: How did you do it, Marcia? How did you survive?
Marcia Ellison: I didn't think I would. I was buried alive.
Adrian Monk: Buried alive.
Marcia Ellison: And then one day, the sun came up. My garden was blooming. Kids were riding by the house on their bikes, and I decided to give the world a second chance. It's still a beautiful world, Adrian.

[flashback:]
Dwight Ellison: Adrian, I'm producing a new cop show in the fall. We're looking for a consultant to work with the writers, keep us honest. The position is yours if you want it.
Adrian Monk: Wow. Dwight, I don't know what to say.
Dwight Ellison: Why don't you say yes?
Trudy: Dad, that's really sweet, but Adrian would never quit his job. It's his life. Oh, you guys should see him. He is so brilliant.
Adrian Monk: Here we go.
Trudy: When he's at a crime scene, the other policemen, they just stand back and watch him work.
Adrian Monk: They watch me so they know what not to do.
Trudy: Oh, you are so modest. Besides, we love San Francisco. I really can't see us ever leaving.
Marcia Ellison: It's so far away.
Adrian Monk: Not the way Trudy drives.
Dwight Ellison: So you won't be moving back. Well, Adrian, you take care of my little girl. She's all we have.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. I will.

Kevin Dorfman: Hold the phone. I've got it.
Marcia Ellison: Got what?
Kevin Dorfman: How they're cheating on the show. It's a code. Roddy Lankman is blinking when he asks the questions. Like once for A, two for B. That's what he does.
Dwight Ellison: No, no, no, no. I thought about that. I've studied every frame from every show. It's impossible. He never blinks or gestures or changes his voice, at least that I could tell.