Claire: I don't know what you thought you saw, Phil, but our child just got some terrible news and had absolutely no reaction. Doesn't that concern you?
Phil: Yeah. He probably just needs time to process it.
Claire: Hmm. Do you think?
Phil: Yeah, honey. Death is a profound thing to deal with at any age. We all manage it differently. Some people lock up their feelings. Others reach out for comfort, finding some way to reaffirm their connection to life...
Claire: Are you joking.

Gloria: Hola, Haley.
Haley: Gloria, I was driving by and saw this outside your door, so here.
Gloria: Thank you.
Haley: No problem. Hey, so since I'm already here, my friend was gonna have a pool party tonight, but he got sick. Could we have it here?
Gloria: Mm. Good thing that you saw this paper or if not, you would have never been able to ask.
Haley: Yeah.

Merle Tucker: So the cabin door swings open. Damned if there wasn't a lady pilot in there.
Cameron: Yeah, well, I hate to admit it, but it throws me, too. I do prefer a man.
Merle Tucker: Are we gonna have this conversation again?

Cameron: Okay, Ddad, why don't you settle in? We don't have plans until dinner tonight with Jay and Gloria.
Merle Tucker: I-I don't like that guy.
Cameron: What? That's- You like everybody.
Merle Tucker: Not Jay. The guy rubs me the wrong way. Every time I try to do something nice, he makes this cranky face, like...
Cameron: Okay. Well, you know what? I'm gonna chalk this up to jet lag for you because it's not like you at all. Okay, you have to make an effort. It's my partner's father. Now give me the growl that means "okay." [Merle growls] Good.

Claire: Sweetie, how are you feeling? You sad? Angry? Confused? Frustrated? You know you can talk to me.
Luke: I know, but I can't see through you. Could you scooch?

Manny: So where are your parents?
Haley: They're not coming.
Manny: I was told there'd be a chaperone.
Haley: There is. It's you. My parents are totally fine with it.
Manny: Well, exits, fire extinguisher, burn kit. Okay, let's have some fun.

Merle Tucker: Oh, this was a delicious meal, Mitchell. I wish my wife could cook a roast like this. You got a good one there, son.
Cameron: Oh, well, I'm very lucky, just like you and mama. Never had a bad patch. Except the winter of '85. Remember that?
Merle Tucker: Oh, I spent several nights in the cow bed then.
[Cameron gives Mitchell a knowing look]

Jay: [aside to camera] I'll tell you why I don't like that guy-- and I could never say this to Mitch-- he treats my son like the wife in the relationship. Always has.

Phil: [aside to camera] I just wanted a special day with my daughter. You know, like the time we gave an old man a dramatic sendoff at the beach. Or the time we drove 100 miles for the world's greatest milk shake. The time we delivered a baby. We were the only ones there, and she was so close, the sound of a pin dropping could induce labor.

Merle Tucker: I think it was Farrah. Yeah, the thing I remember is, when Mitchell told that story, how- how he giggled all the way through.
Jay: I'm sure he wasn't giggling.
Merle Tucker: Oh, yeah, he- He was giggling, all right. [giggling]
Jay: No, see, Mitchell has a booming laugh. It's Cameron, actually, has the high laugh. You know, [high-pitched laugh]
Merle Tucker: No, I think Mitch has a higher laugh than- [both doing high-pitched laughs]