Gloria: [aside to camera] I always wanted a daughter. To dress her up with pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. [chuckles] No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter. [laughs] Ay, but just for a few times. I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died.

Phil: He's a little jumpy.
Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

Phil: [aside to camera] The thing about me and Jay is that our relationship's always been stuck In that primal place where it started. You know, he's the old silverback protecting his females. Then along comes this younger, stronger gorilla, swinging in, beating his chest, you know. Naturally, the ape ladies come running, presenting their nice scarlet behinds. Papa ape wants to stop all that, but he can't, you know. That's- That's life. I'm not the enemy. The enemy is poachers.