‘Frank's Wedding’
Season 8, Episode 19 - Aired April 5, 2017
When the Dunphy family shows up for Frank's wedding dressed as 1920s gangsters, Claire and the kids decide it's time for a "fun-tervention" with Phil. Jay has mastered the art of saying no to his family, but he is starting to feel left out. Meanwhile, Mitchell decides he's no longer going to let Cameron hide behind him when it comes to standing up to Pam.
Quote from Pam
Pam: You stole my dream.
Mitchell: Okay, would you please stop saying that?
Pam: If you hadn't distracted those ninnies with your striking regularness, they would have put me in a national TV ad campaign instead of neither of us!
Quote from Claire
Phil: Frank and Lorraine, today marks the public and legal joining of your souls, marriage being above all else, a contract. [woman coughs] Uh, one of my favorite authors once wrote, "If love is not all, then it is nothing. This principle, and its opposite, collide down all the years of... of my breathless tale." [man yawns]
[aside to camera:]
Claire: Seeing Phil bomb up there, I felt like a mama bird who had just nudged her chick out of the nest without a single pun to break his fall.
Quote from Luke
Phil: Now is the moment when I ask if anyone here has reason to object to the union of these two people. Thank you.
Claire: [as a '20s gangster] I object! I object to you not handing over those diamond rings, Preacher!
Luke: [ditto] You heard her. Hand over the ice, or I fill you full of... lead ["lee-d"].
Alex: Lead!
Quote from Luke
Phil: Honey, what are you doing?
Claire: Sorry, Padre, you had your chance. I now pronounce you dead! [scattered shots]
Phil: When in the world did...
Claire: A lot of questions for a cadaver!
Phil: Ohh! Ohh!
Haley: Don't you see? These twos is in on it together!
Luke: Mind your own potatoes, Daisy.
Haley: Ohh!
Lorraine: Excuse me. This is my wedding and your funeral! And one for the choir boy!
Luke: Missed me.