Lois Quote #764
Quote from Lois in Malcolm Dates a Family
Lois: I was ready to give up on my war with Luigi's, and then your father inspired me to take action. So yesterday, I called Clyde on Your Side.
Hal: Who?
Lois: You know, that consumer guy on Channel 5. They're doing a whole exposé on Luigi's. They told me it was going to be on at 10:23. Oh, oh, oh, here it is.
Clyde: [on TV] This may look like a friendly, neighborhood pizza parlor, but thanks to an alert tipster, we discovered that this hangout could be hanging you out to dry.
Lois: Alert tipster, that's me.
Clyde: [on TV] It turns out this eatery adds a secret 15% service charge to every tab. I want to be clear this does not reflect on the Italian people, most of whom are hard-working decent Americans. But for the cadre of tricksters here at Luigi's, we've got a tip for you: clean up-a you act. Who are the victims in this scam? Senior citizens on a fixed income. Local teens after a dance. [Malcolm hides from the camera] And of course, the biggest price is paid...
Lois: Oh, my God!
Hal: That traitor! How could he betray the trust of this family? Especially you, Lois.
Dewey: Doesn't he know what you've been fighting for?
Reese: Yeah! That betrayer! Look at him shove that pizza in his mouth right there in the restaurant when we have to sneak ours in the garage!
Lois: What?!
Clyde: [on TV] This isn't just the sad story of...
Reese: All right, I was saving this until I needed it. Dad does a five-minute imitation of you on the toilet. I'll show you the videotape if you're willing to deal.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm Dates a Family’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Isn't it great when the girl asks the... [gasps] Angela. I totally forgot. Oh, man, I've got two dates to the Spring Dance. It's sort of like that old episode of... well, every show. If you think about it, it's actually a pretty interesting challenge. [Stevie's wheel gets stuck] I mean, Urkel did pretty well with the identical cousin trick until he got greedy and made himself a duke. And Potsie doesn't count because one of his turned out to be a dude. Stevie, are you even listening to me?
Stevie: Two girls... ...two families. I don't have... two lungs!
Malcolm: What does that have to do with...
Stevie: People with... your luck... aren't allowed... to be creeps. Just... choose!
Malcolm: Yeah, all right. [walks off and leaves Stevie stuck]
Quote from Lois
Lois: Excuse me. What's this "SV" at the bottom?
Alfredo: That's the service charge.
Lois: Service charge? What service charge?
Alfredo: We add 15% for the service. We had a lot of people stiffing the waiters. We've been doing it for years.
Lois: Forcing people to tip without telling them? We've been double-tipping without realizing it all this time.
Alfredo: There's a notice right here. That piddly little sign? That's what you use to justify it?
Reese: Oh, no. Is this gonna be "shoe store" bad or "circus" bad?
Malcolm: I think it's gonna be "ten-items-or-less aisle" bad.
Hal: Is our car on fire? I think I hear sirens. We better go.
Lois: You put up a little sign that nobody can read, and that gives you the right to steal?! Where is the manager?! I want to see the manager! Don't you give me that look.
Dewey: I probably won't see you for a while, Manolo. Lo siento mucho.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: No, I am not Copernicus. [laughter]
Maria: Did you isolate something which eventually killed you?
Malcolm: No, I am not Madame Curie. [to camera] This is so cool. When we play at my house, we can only use cartoon characters. Cartoon characters we saw that day.
Ivan: Okay, do you believe in life after love?
Malcolm: No, I am not Cher. [laughter]
Ivan: We'll never beat him!