Lois Quote #444
Quote from Lois in Malcolm Dates a Family
Hal: [answers phone] Hello. Yes, it is. Really? Really?! [covers phone] Yes! Boys! Boys! It's the owner of Luigi's calling to apologize to your mother. Get your jackets. Lois! The pizza gods have answered our prayers.
Lois: [takes phone] Hello.
Lawrence: Hi. This is Lawrence Camprisi, the owner of Luigi's. I heard about what happened, and I wanted to call personally to apologize.
Lois: Oh? What exactly are you apologizing for? [boys stop heading to the door]
Lawrence: About the way that you were treated last Thursday. There's no excuse for it, and I couldn't feel more terrible about it.
Lois: Well, that's very nice to hear. [boys head towards the door] I am curious why it took two weeks to get an apology. [boys walk back]
Lawrence: I'm sorry, but, you see, I just got in from Europe, and I haven't even unpacked yet. The point is that you and your family are valuable customers, and we really want to get you back in here.
Lois: Well, I must say, this apology has surpassed my expectations. [boys celebrate and head to door] So what kind of refund are you giving us? [boys take their coats off]
Lawrence: What?
Lois: I figure we overpaid at least $300 over the years. Do you want to send us a check or some kind of gift certificate?
Lawrence: Lady, we can't give you a refund. We don't have those kind of margins.
Lois: If you can afford to pay for a trip to Europe, you can afford 1/20th of that to make things right with a customer you cheated.
Hal: There is no pizza god.
Lois: Well, then I doubt you care, but we are never, ever eating a Luigi's pizza again. [hangs up] At least we have closure.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm Dates a Family’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Isn't it great when the girl asks the... [gasps] Angela. I totally forgot. Oh, man, I've got two dates to the Spring Dance. It's sort of like that old episode of... well, every show. If you think about it, it's actually a pretty interesting challenge. [Stevie's wheel gets stuck] I mean, Urkel did pretty well with the identical cousin trick until he got greedy and made himself a duke. And Potsie doesn't count because one of his turned out to be a dude. Stevie, are you even listening to me?
Stevie: Two girls... ...two families. I don't have... two lungs!
Malcolm: What does that have to do with...
Stevie: People with... your luck... aren't allowed... to be creeps. Just... choose!
Malcolm: Yeah, all right. [walks off and leaves Stevie stuck]
Quote from Lois
Lois: Excuse me. What's this "SV" at the bottom?
Alfredo: That's the service charge.
Lois: Service charge? What service charge?
Alfredo: We add 15% for the service. We had a lot of people stiffing the waiters. We've been doing it for years.
Lois: Forcing people to tip without telling them? We've been double-tipping without realizing it all this time.
Alfredo: There's a notice right here. That piddly little sign? That's what you use to justify it?
Reese: Oh, no. Is this gonna be "shoe store" bad or "circus" bad?
Malcolm: I think it's gonna be "ten-items-or-less aisle" bad.
Hal: Is our car on fire? I think I hear sirens. We better go.
Lois: You put up a little sign that nobody can read, and that gives you the right to steal?! Where is the manager?! I want to see the manager! Don't you give me that look.
Dewey: I probably won't see you for a while, Manolo. Lo siento mucho.
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: No, I am not Copernicus. [laughter]
Maria: Did you isolate something which eventually killed you?
Malcolm: No, I am not Madame Curie. [to camera] This is so cool. When we play at my house, we can only use cartoon characters. Cartoon characters we saw that day.
Ivan: Okay, do you believe in life after love?
Malcolm: No, I am not Cher. [laughter]
Ivan: We'll never beat him!