Hal Quote #274
Lois: [answers phone] Hal, you had me worried sick! The police said they released you three hours ago! What's going on?
Hal: I know by now you've heard everything. I just think it's prudent the boys and I are disappear for a little while.
Lois: Hal, where are you?
Hal: I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to reveal that, Lois.
Man: [over P.A.] Bus #23 for Ohama is ready for boarding.
Lois: Hal, you're a middle-aged man, you can't run away from home!
Hal: Well, I have a credit card that begs to differ, Lois.
Reese: Hang up, Dad. She's tracing the call.
Lois: Don't you dare hang up that phone. Hal, you're not gonna do this. You and the boys are gonna come home right now.
Hal: And why would I do that?
Lois: Because you love me too much to run away.
Hal: That may... may be true, Lois. But maybe we're just gonna have to have a long distance relationship for a while. Some of those can work.
Lois: Hal, have you thought for even a second what your life would be like without me?
Hal: Well, no...
Lois: Do you have any idea how much you'd miss me? Do you?
Hal: Yes. Yes. I... I have some idea.
Malcolm: Dad, you're folding! He's folding!
Reese: I knew we should've paid that wino to make the call.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Charity’ Quotes
Quote from Hal
Hal: You've been stealing money from the church?!
Malcolm: And maybe some merchandise.
Hal: [gasps] You boys, you've been taking stereos, toys... Is that cheese? Oh. [flails] I need to sit. [gasps] Oh, my God!
Malcolm: Dewey, get a washcloth!
Hal: My boys are thiefs!
Reese: Here you go, Dad. [puts an oxygen mask in Hal's mouth] Nice and even.
Hal: You stole air?! What is wrong with you boys? Do you ever stop and think of the consequences of anything that you do?! Do you realize the shame you're going to bring on our entire family? Do you?!
Reese: Forget that, what's Mom gonna say?!
Quote from Francis
Francis: This is ridiculous! The wolves had me tree-ed for half an hour. I've just about- Ow! You can't treat us like this! This is inhuman! We are citizens! This is America! Isn't it?
Quote from Reese
Reese: [changing channels] No. No. No. Wait. No. No.
Malcolm: Gimme that! [grabs remote] No. No. No. Wait. No. No.
Lois: Hi, boys. Got a second? You boys really have a pretty good life.
Malcolm: [to camera] Uh-oh.
Lois: You spend your days flying kites, playing video games. It's about time you found something to do to enrich your lives.
Reese: When did we have kites?!
Lois: I could never live with myself if my boys grew up to be selfish little pigs. So I decided to volunteer you to do a little charity work. You can choose between helping old people, or helping poor people. [the boys are silent] Or I can make you do both.
Reese: Okay. Old people. [Malcolm nudges Reese] What can be bad about old people? [Malcolm whispers in Reese's ear] Poor people! We want poor people!