Hal Quote #212
Quote from Hal in Malcolm vs. Reese
Hal: Okay, we can fix this. Cats are territorial. I'd put money on it that Jellybean hasn't been outside a square block of this place. Ooh! [sniffs litter box] Yup, he's been back. These are fresh.
Dewey: But he never stays.
Hal: Well, then we'll just have to find a way to keep him here, won't we? Paid a little visit to my doctor.
Dewey: What are those?
Hal: These are sleeping pills, Dewey. I simply told him I've been up for the past few nights, things aren't going well with the wife, afraid I'm going to lose the house... But don't you worry, son. Those are just lies I told to get prescription drugs. Now, we're just going to grind a few of these up, sprinkle it on his food, and it's sweet dreams, Jellybean.
Dewey: Should we put them in the wet or the dry?
Hal: The wet, dry, milk, water we have to cover all our bases, son. We are going to get this cat!
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm vs. Reese’ Quotes
Quote from Francis
Police Officer: License and registration.
Francis: Officer, what did I do?
Police Officer: This car has been reported stolen. License and registration, please.
Francis: Oh, it's been reported stolen, huh?
[When Francis pulls out his wallet, he finds it has been emptied except for a Post-It note which reads "It gets worse"]
Police Officer: I'm not going to ask you again. License and registration.
Francis: Look, Officer, I know this looks bad, but... [banging]
Police Officer: Open the trunk, sir.
Francis: Officer, let me explain...
Police Officer: Open the trunk!
[When the police officer walks to the back of the car, he finds Malcolm and Reese tied up in the trunk]
Police Officer: Get out of the car!
Quote from Craig
Malcolm: [to camera] Mom wasn't too thrilled about having to pick us up at the police station, but it was totally worth it. We don't have to serve Francis anymore. [to Craig] Here's your sandwich, Craig. Can I go to bed now?
Craig: Ooh, mayo on only one side?
Malcolm: It's a lot of mayo.
Craig: No one's saying it's not, but I specifically asked for it on both sides.
Malcolm: Craig...
Craig: Malcolm, I don't like this any more than you do, but it was your mom's idea. Since as long as I'm living here you have to do everything I say, I'll try to meet you halfway and make my orders as clear as possible, okay, champ?
Reese: Here, I heated it for ten seconds just like you said.
Craig: [puts finger in milk] It's still not quite room temperature. Look, I know I'm being demanding, but Jellybean's apartment was burned down, too.
Malcolm: [to camera] All right, it was almost worth it.
Quote from Francis
Francis: Hey, Ma, can I borrow the car to go over to Richie's house?
Lois: Uh, no.
Francis: Why not?
Lois: Because whenever you return the car, it's always filthy.
Francis: That is so unfair. You always assume the worst of me.
Lois: Assume? I see it.
Francis: How am I going to show you that I've actually grown up if you never give me the chance?!
Lois: Okay, I'm listening.
Francis: Okay, how about if I wash the car before I take it? [looks at Malcolm and Reese] And I'll rake the leaves and I'll scoop out the gutters, and if that's not enough, I'll clean the whole attic!
Malcolm: Mom, give him a break.
Lois: Okay, you got yourself a deal. Bring it home in one piece.
Francis: You need anything ironed, Mom?