Malcolm Quote #186
Quote from Malcolm in Hal Quits
Malcolm: I really appreciate your letting me take this vocational exam. I know it's generally for older kids. I just felt like I really needed some help. I don't want to make a wrong decision. Well... did you get the test results?
Mr. Young: Oh, yes.
Malcolm: What did they say I should do?
Mr. Young: Well... according to this... absolutely anything you want.
Malcolm: What?
Mr. Young: Yeah, you-you scored equally excellent in all areas.
According to this test, there isn't a career on the planet you wouldn't be great at. Congratulations.
Malcolm: Well, that... that doesn't exactly clarify anything. I-I was kind of hoping...
Mr. Young: You know, kid, there are a lot of people who would kill to have both "professional golfer" and "neurosurgeon" on their test results.
Malcolm: Yeah, but that doesn't help me. I mean, how am I supposed to decide if I don't have any parameters at all?
Mr. Young: Well, boo-hoo for you, Mr. Unlimited Potential. Let me wipe my tears for you on my plastic briefcase.
Malcolm: Does the test at least say what I might like?
Mr. Young: Aside from exposing middle-aged underachievers for the failures they are? Nope.
Malcolm: Can I take the test again?
Mr. Young: Uh... no. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to catch a bus or I'll be late for my night job. Unless, of course, you'd like that, too.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Hal Quits’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Lois: Thought you might be ready for some aspirin.
Francis: I'm working for a moron.
Lois: Of course you are, honey. Your boss is an idiot, your coworkers are incompetent, and you are underappreciated. Welcome to the working world.
Francis: How do people do it?
Lois: Well, let's see... If you want to eat, sleep indoors, you know, those kinds of luxuries, you really don't have much of a choice.
Francis: What about Dad? He had a choice.
Lois: Every 20 years, you're allowed a two-week breakdown.
Francis: Oh, I can't wait.
Quote from Hal
Hal: [sweating heavily] Well, no, that's not, not all I do. I, uh, there are some, you know, important and, uh, very, uh, interesting... Could you repeat the question?
Boy #1: Your job sounds awful.
Hal: [chuckles] Well, of course it's awful; it's a job. You know...
Malcolm: [to Dewey] He's tanking.
Dewey: He's way past tanking.
Hal: See, you, you kids have to realize that all jobs are awful and there's nothing that you can do about that. I mean, they're, they're tedious and boring.
Boy #2: Being a fireman isn't boring.
Hal: True, but you have to take into consideration the high mortality rate. It's real easy to get killed in a fire.
Boy #2: My daddy's a fireman.
Girl: Pete's daddy's going to die?
Hal: Oh, and I'm sure he's probably going to be fine.
Girl: So the only reason you like your job is because you won't get killed in a fire?
Hal: Yes. Well, actually, you see... you see, I-I work on a very high floor, so that's not necessarily true. Any other questions?
Boy #1: If your job is so boring and you don't like it why do you do it?
Quote from Hal
Lois: You're doing this because of what a seven-year-old said?
Malcolm: It was horrible. He made Dad cry.
Hal: This kid was ruthless... but fair.
Dewey: His dad did a puppet show.
Hal: I'll tell you boys, life is crazy. One day you're in community college driving a Camaro T-top, cock of the walk, and then you need some cash, so you get a job. You think it's only temporary, but then you get a promotion and then a raise, and all these doors open up for you, except they're not really doors. They're trapdoors. And then all of a sudden... bam! 20 years has zipped by, and you're thinking, "Is this all I have to my life?" Not you kids. I love you kids, but, come on... The house, it's crap.