TV Quotes

Hal: [sweating heavily] Well, no, that's not, not all I do. I, uh, there are some, you know, important and, uh, very, uh, interesting... Could you repeat the question?
Boy #1: Your job sounds awful.
Hal: [chuckles] Well, of course it's awful; it's a job. You know...
Malcolm: [to Dewey] He's tanking.
Dewey: He's way past tanking.
Hal: See, you, you kids have to realize that all jobs are awful and there's nothing that you can do about that. I mean, they're, they're tedious and boring.
Boy #2: Being a fireman isn't boring.
Hal: True, but you have to take into consideration the high mortality rate. It's real easy to get killed in a fire.
Boy #2: My daddy's a fireman.
Girl: Pete's daddy's going to die?
Hal: Oh, and I'm sure he's probably going to be fine.
Girl: So the only reason you like your job is because you won't get killed in a fire?
Hal: Yes. Well, actually, you see... you see, I-I work on a very high floor, so that's not necessarily true. Any other questions?
Boy #1: If your job is so boring and you don't like it why do you do it?

Lois: You're doing this because of what a seven-year-old said?
Malcolm: It was horrible. He made Dad cry.
Hal: This kid was ruthless... but fair.
Dewey: His dad did a puppet show.
Hal: I'll tell you boys, life is crazy. One day you're in community college driving a Camaro T-top, cock of the walk, and then you need some cash, so you get a job. You think it's only temporary, but then you get a promotion and then a raise, and all these doors open up for you, except they're not really doors. They're trapdoors. And then all of a sudden... bam! 20 years has zipped by, and you're thinking, "Is this all I have to my life?" Not you kids. I love you kids, but, come on... The house, it's crap.

Lois: That doesn't matter. What does matter is you'll be the only person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us. We've been getting the short end of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it. Now, you are going to be president, mister, and that's the end of it.
Malcolm: Did it ever occur to you that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich and then bought my way into being president?
Lois: Of course it did. We decided against it.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Because then you wouldn't be a good president. You wouldn't have suffered enough.
Malcolm: I've been suffering all my life.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's not enough. You know what it's like to be poor, and you know what it's like to work hard. Now you're going to learn what it's like to sweep floors and bust your ass and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you. And it won't mean anything because they will still look down on you. And you will want so much for them to like you, and they just won't. And it'll break your heart. And that'll make your heart bigger and open your eyes and finally you will realize that there's more to life than proving you're the smartest person in the world. I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you don't get the easy path. You don't get to just have fun and be rich and live the life of luxury.
Hal: That's Dewey.
Dewey: Really?
Malcolm: This is unbelievable. You actually expect me to be president. No, no, I'm sorry. You expect me to be one of the greatest presidents in the history of the United States.
Lois: You look me in the eye and you tell me you can't do it.

Malcolm: You know what? I'm glad! This is appropriate. Now my life looks exactly how I feel. How could you screw me over like that?
Lois: Because you were going to take that job, and we are not going to let you throw your life away.
Malcolm: How is being rich throwing my life away?!
Lois: Because it's not the life you're supposed to have! The life you're supposed to have is you go to Harvard, and you earn every fellowship and internship they have. You graduate first in your class, and you start working in public service, either district attorney or running some foundation, and then you become governor of a mid-sized state, and then you become president.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Of the United States.
Malcolm: Dad?
Hal: I'm sorry, son. It's true.
Francis: I thought you knew.
Hal: Our expectations started out much smaller, but you just kept upping the ante.