Hal Quote #949
Lois: Kitty, I am so sorry. This is all my boys' fault. They turn everyone they come in contact with into scheming delinquents. They're like a virus.
Kitty: Oh, look, we don't blame your boys. Well, we do. But the thing is, Stevie has had a hand in this. I mean, he's changed. Ever since he hit middle school, he's just snippy and secretive and just shuts himself up in his room.
Abe: We should never have let him have that door. Hmm. I guess we're in for a few rough months.
Lois: [scoffs] Few months?
Abe: Well, when he gets older and realizes how much he's hurting us, then...
Lois: Then he'll be even better at it.
Hal: Let's face it. Teenagers are thoughtless, inconsiderate, eating machines dedicated to putting us through hell and sending us to an early grave. These kids just don't know how much we suffer.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Carnival’ Quotes
Quote from Reese
Reese: Uh-oh.
Malcolm: [to camera] This is like the beginning of every horror movie I've ever seen.
Reese: I think we should all split up.
Quote from Dewey
Reese: What did you hear?
Dewey: Everything. I want to go to the fair.
Malcolm: No, Dewey. You're too young.
Dewey: Take me or I'll tell Mom.
Reese: If you do, I'll just stomp the crap out of you.
Dewey: Go ahead. I'm still telling.
Malcolm: Dewey, you're not going and you're not telling. If you blab to Mom, we'll take every pet you ever get and set it free.
Reese: We'll destroy every toy, every game, everything you ever love.
Dewey: Do what you have to.
Quote from Stevie
Kitty: A sleepover?! At someone else's house?!
Abe: Don't you like sleeping here, son?
Kitty: I don't think this is a good idea, Steve. I mean, Malcolm's family doesn't have a HEPA filter air purifier and God knows how outmoded their alarm system is. They probably don't even have motion detectors.
Abe: Be honest, son. Is it my snoring?
Kitty: You have a perfectly good hypo-allergenic mattress here to sleep on. I just don't see the point.
Stevie: It would help... me feel... normal. [rolls away] Fish... in a barrel.