Craig Quote #34
Quote from Craig in Malcolm vs. Reese
Hal: [on the phone] Oh, Craig! Hi! How's the convention?
Craig: Fantastic. I've picked up some great bargains. You would not believe some of the idiots that are here. Anyhow, I just called to see how Jellybean's doing.
Hal: Oh, fine. He's a frisky little guy, you know. Oh, get off the TV, Jellybean!
Craig: That reminds me could you hit the timer button on my VCR? I want to tape Arliss.
Hal: Uh... Sure, no problem.
Craig: Hey, Hal, um, I don't want you to think I'm weird, but... could you put Jellybean on the phone?
Hal: Uh, yeah, let me just... pick him up, yeah... There he is! Okay... Okay, I got his ear to the phone!
Craig: Hey, Jellybean! How's my widdle pussycat? Have you been a good boy while I've been away? I love you, honey. Give Daddy a kiss. [Hal makes kissing noises] Jellybean?
Hal: [quietly] Idiot.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Malcolm vs. Reese’ Quotes
Quote from Francis
Police Officer: License and registration.
Francis: Officer, what did I do?
Police Officer: This car has been reported stolen. License and registration, please.
Francis: Oh, it's been reported stolen, huh?
[When Francis pulls out his wallet, he finds it has been emptied except for a Post-It note which reads "It gets worse"]
Police Officer: I'm not going to ask you again. License and registration.
Francis: Look, Officer, I know this looks bad, but... [banging]
Police Officer: Open the trunk, sir.
Francis: Officer, let me explain...
Police Officer: Open the trunk!
[When the police officer walks to the back of the car, he finds Malcolm and Reese tied up in the trunk]
Police Officer: Get out of the car!
Quote from Craig
Malcolm: [to camera] Mom wasn't too thrilled about having to pick us up at the police station, but it was totally worth it. We don't have to serve Francis anymore. [to Craig] Here's your sandwich, Craig. Can I go to bed now?
Craig: Ooh, mayo on only one side?
Malcolm: It's a lot of mayo.
Craig: No one's saying it's not, but I specifically asked for it on both sides.
Malcolm: Craig...
Craig: Malcolm, I don't like this any more than you do, but it was your mom's idea. Since as long as I'm living here you have to do everything I say, I'll try to meet you halfway and make my orders as clear as possible, okay, champ?
Reese: Here, I heated it for ten seconds just like you said.
Craig: [puts finger in milk] It's still not quite room temperature. Look, I know I'm being demanding, but Jellybean's apartment was burned down, too.
Malcolm: [to camera] All right, it was almost worth it.
Quote from Francis
Francis: Hey, Ma, can I borrow the car to go over to Richie's house?
Lois: Uh, no.
Francis: Why not?
Lois: Because whenever you return the car, it's always filthy.
Francis: That is so unfair. You always assume the worst of me.
Lois: Assume? I see it.
Francis: How am I going to show you that I've actually grown up if you never give me the chance?!
Lois: Okay, I'm listening.
Francis: Okay, how about if I wash the car before I take it? [looks at Malcolm and Reese] And I'll rake the leaves and I'll scoop out the gutters, and if that's not enough, I'll clean the whole attic!
Malcolm: Mom, give him a break.
Lois: Okay, you got yourself a deal. Bring it home in one piece.
Francis: You need anything ironed, Mom?