Stevie Quote #3
Malcolm: Hey, Spath! Why don't you stop being such a buttwipe?!
All: Ooh.
Spath: What'd you call me?
Malcolm: You heard me! I don't care anymore! I just don't care, Spath, okay? Alls you ever do is make everybody miserable! Except for your little monkey-slaves over there. Who, by the way, only pretend to like you. They hate you as much as everyone else does! And you're just too busy being mean and stupid to ever figure it out! [to camera] I keep trying to run, but my legs won't work. Mom was right: They are important.
Spath: Wow. I don't know about you but the Krelboyne really hurt my feelings. [walks towards Malcolm]
Stevie: Hey!
Malcolm: Go away, Stevie.
Spath: It's good you two are friends. He won't mind sharing his wheelchair.
Malcolm: [to camera] Okay, this is where something good happens, finally. So we're going to slow down and make it last as long as possible.
[As Spath pulls his arm back, Malcolm throws chocolate pudding in his face. Malcolm turns to run away, but Spath grabs him by his shirt. As Spath once again pulls his arm back to punch Malcolm, he ducks. Spath's knuckles swing towards Stevie, lightly touching his chin. The crowd gasps.]
Boy: Dude, you hit a cripple.
[A second later, the crowd gasp as Stevie tips over in his wheelchair]
Spath: I didn't mean to- I wasn't trying- Stevie, I'm sorry.
[Stevie groans as a group of kids pick him up. Stevie smiles to Malcolm]
Boy: What's your problem? I mean, he's in a wheelchair and he has glasses. You know how bad that looks?
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Pilot’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Lois: You listen to me, young man. That one lunch obviously meant a lot to Stevie. He's a human being with human feelings. Now, you are going to be friends with that crippled boy and you are going to like it. Understood?
Malcolm: Yes, ma'am. Understood. [to camera] If I give up now, I won't get the lecture.
Lois: You kids...
Malcolm: Dang.
Lois: You just take your legs for granted like nothing could ever happen to them. Well, let me tell you something, that is just wishful thinking. There's meningitis. There are car accidents. I could be giving you a spanking and accidentally snap your spinal cord. Every day is a lottery and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands. You think about that.
Dewey: I don't take my legs for granted, Mom.
Lois: I know, honey. You're a good boy. Stop playing with yourself.
Quote from Malcolm
Caroline: Hi. I'm Caroline. Want to have a seat? Are you Malcolm?
Malcolm: Yes, and I didn't do anything.
Caroline: You're not in trouble, Malcolm. You're here 'cause some of your teachers think you're, um... You know what? I just want to play some games with you, okay? Puzzles, stuff like that.
Malcolm: Why?
Caroline: Boy, oh, boy, you are a suspicious little dickens, aren't you? Now, you can look at this picture for 60 seconds and I want you to tell me everything that's wrong with it, okay?
Malcolm: The man only has four fingers.
Caroline: Right, but this time I want you to take your time and really look... [starts stopwatch]
Malcolm: The car shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be backwards, the guy's watch wouldn't say 12:00 if he's looking at a sunset and I have red paint on my ass. That's right. Red paint all over my ass! [Caroline stops stopwatch]
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: These are good cookies.
Stevie: Yeah... they're good.
Malcolm: So what can you do? I mean, what do you want to do?
Stevie: I know... a joke.
Malcolm: Yeah? Okay.
Stevie: A guy... goes into... a bar... and he... has a... frog... on... his...
Malcolm: Frog on his head.
Stevie: And the... bartender... Wait, I screwed up. A frog... goes into... a bar.