Lois Quote #2
Lois: You listen to me, young man. That one lunch obviously meant a lot to Stevie. He's a human being with human feelings. Now, you are going to be friends with that crippled boy and you are going to like it. Understood?
Malcolm: Yes, ma'am. Understood. [to camera] If I give up now, I won't get the lecture.
Lois: You kids...
Malcolm: Dang.
Lois: You just take your legs for granted like nothing could ever happen to them. Well, let me tell you something, that is just wishful thinking. There's meningitis. There are car accidents. I could be giving you a spanking and accidentally snap your spinal cord. Every day is a lottery and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands. You think about that.
Dewey: I don't take my legs for granted, Mom.
Lois: I know, honey. You're a good boy. Stop playing with yourself.
More Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Pilot’ Quotes
Quote from Malcolm
Caroline: Hi. I'm Caroline. Want to have a seat? Are you Malcolm?
Malcolm: Yes, and I didn't do anything.
Caroline: You're not in trouble, Malcolm. You're here 'cause some of your teachers think you're, um... You know what? I just want to play some games with you, okay? Puzzles, stuff like that.
Malcolm: Why?
Caroline: Boy, oh, boy, you are a suspicious little dickens, aren't you? Now, you can look at this picture for 60 seconds and I want you to tell me everything that's wrong with it, okay?
Malcolm: The man only has four fingers.
Caroline: Right, but this time I want you to take your time and really look... [starts stopwatch]
Malcolm: The car shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be backwards, the guy's watch wouldn't say 12:00 if he's looking at a sunset and I have red paint on my ass. That's right. Red paint all over my ass! [Caroline stops stopwatch]
Quote from Stevie
Malcolm: These are good cookies.
Stevie: Yeah... they're good.
Malcolm: So what can you do? I mean, what do you want to do?
Stevie: I know... a joke.
Malcolm: Yeah? Okay.
Stevie: A guy... goes into... a bar... and he... has a... frog... on... his...
Malcolm: Frog on his head.
Stevie: And the... bartender... Wait, I screwed up. A frog... goes into... a bar.
Lois Quotes
Quote from Graduation
Lois: That doesn't matter. What does matter is you'll be the only person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us. We've been getting the short end of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it. Now, you are going to be president, mister, and that's the end of it.
Malcolm: Did it ever occur to you that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich and then bought my way into being president?
Lois: Of course it did. We decided against it.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Because then you wouldn't be a good president. You wouldn't have suffered enough.
Malcolm: I've been suffering all my life.
Lois: I'm sorry, it's not enough. You know what it's like to be poor, and you know what it's like to work hard. Now you're going to learn what it's like to sweep floors and bust your ass and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you. And it won't mean anything because they will still look down on you. And you will want so much for them to like you, and they just won't. And it'll break your heart. And that'll make your heart bigger and open your eyes and finally you will realize that there's more to life than proving you're the smartest person in the world. I'm sorry, Malcolm, but you don't get the easy path. You don't get to just have fun and be rich and live the life of luxury.
Hal: That's Dewey.
Dewey: Really?
Malcolm: This is unbelievable. You actually expect me to be president. No, no, I'm sorry. You expect me to be one of the greatest presidents in the history of the United States.
Lois: You look me in the eye and you tell me you can't do it.
Quote from Graduation
Malcolm: You know what? I'm glad! This is appropriate. Now my life looks exactly how I feel. How could you screw me over like that?
Lois: Because you were going to take that job, and we are not going to let you throw your life away.
Malcolm: How is being rich throwing my life away?!
Lois: Because it's not the life you're supposed to have! The life you're supposed to have is you go to Harvard, and you earn every fellowship and internship they have. You graduate first in your class, and you start working in public service, either district attorney or running some foundation, and then you become governor of a mid-sized state, and then you become president.
Malcolm: What?!
Lois: Of the United States.
Malcolm: Dad?
Hal: I'm sorry, son. It's true.
Francis: I thought you knew.
Hal: Our expectations started out much smaller, but you just kept upping the ante.