Hal Quote #728
Quote from Hal in Mrs. Tri-County
Hal: Okay, people reacted badly to the crown thing, so you gotta nail the talent portion. Now, I know you think it isn't a talent, but if you commit, we can make those oversized Barbies choke on their own batons. [Lois comes out of the dressing room in her regular clothes] What are you doing? Where's your top hat and fishnet thigh-highs?
Lois: Just get the car and the kids, Hal, and let's just slink out of here.
Hal: Wait, you can't just walk away.
Lois: Oh, yes, I can. This whole thing has been a disaster. I don't belong here. And I hate the way those women make me feel.
Hal: Come on, they're just a bunch of bitter hags.
Lois: And I hate the way you've been making me feel. We may have our ups and downs, Hal, but this is the first time I ever felt like I wasn't good enough for you.
Hal: You're right. I'm sorry. I mean, I know you're perfect, and for once, I wanted the whole world to know it.
Lois: Well, that's a nice idea, but that isn't going to happen. I don't know why I ever thought I could compete with these women. Hal, I can't handle them. I'm out of my league here.
Hal: What are you talking about? Do you know why those broads pulled that stunt? They're afraid of you, Lois. Right now you are surrounded by a bunch of idiots who fear you. You're not out of your league, you're at home.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Mrs. Tri-County’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Phil: Okay, Lois, here's your question if you're ready. "How has motherhood kept you young?"
Lois: ... I'm sorry, but I have a problem with the question. Motherhood definitely does a lot of things, but the one thing it does not do is keep you young. Oh, my God, it ages you horribly. Youth is about having choices, but once you're a mother, you have no choices. You're stuck loving your children. You get gray hair loving them. You lose sleep loving them. You lose out on all those other things that you always thought you'd do. But even with all of that, the amazing thing is... you're okay with it. It's like some wonderful... curse. [Phil chuckles] [applause]
Hal: That was amazing. I don't know where you came up with that crap, but you nailed it.
Quote from Reese
Reese: This judges' manual is unbelievable. It's over 200 pages of these really specific rules on what's attractive and what isn't. There's a whole page on ankle symmetry. And you know what I learned?
Malcolm: What?
Reese: I'm beautiful.
Malcolm: What are you talking about?
Reese: Everything on my face is the absolute standard of perfection. My lips are exactly twice the length of the distance between my eyes. My philtrum is gracefully tapered. My earlobe is the perfect 1.4 centimetres. And it just goes on and on. You can measure me if you don't believe it.
Malcolm: Are you going to help Mom or not?
Reese: I understand your anger, Malcolm. Unattractive people can become very threatened by this. It's probably why I have so few friends.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: You don't pay mileage, I had to park in the structure, and you call this a gift bag? I saw two judges with the mini-lipstick set and the lemon scented moisturizer.
Malcolm: Mr. Herkabe, what are you doing here?
Mr. Herkabe: I happen to be one of the judges. What, may I ask, are you doing here?
Malcolm: You know, curiosity. It's kind of a sociologically interesting-
Mr. Herkabe: My God, your mother's in the pageant.
Malcolm: Well, technically.
Mr. Herkabe: Hmm. And I happen to have certain powers that might influence that outcome. Isn't that interesting?
Malcolm: What?
Mr. Herkabe: I just think that's really interesting. Don't you find it interesting?
Malcolm: Yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to.
Woman: I'm sorry, sir. They were out of the moisturizer, but I found these.
Mr. Herkabe: Fine. I'll take the smoked almonds, the loofah glove- Oh, just give me the whole box.