Francis: He's not Spangler's son. I grew up with him. He's a screwup. He's a slack dumbass who lives in his mother's basement. It's got to be Spangler. He must be mellowing. [Spangler enters]
All: Sir!
Spangler: Cadets.
Francis: What's up, Chief?

Francis: Richie...
Richie: No time to talk, man.
Francis: Wait, this is important.
Richie: Dude, watch it. This shirt was a gift from Edwin. It cost 200 bucks.
Francis: Richie, I'm trying to tell you something.
Richie: Well, you'd better say it quick. Edwin'll freak if I'm late for the match. We've got early dinner reservations.
Francis: You know what? It can wait.
Richie: Fine.
Francis: No, wait. I have to tell you this. You're my friend, and I owe it to you. Spangler is only being nice to you so that we all hate you and beat the snot out of you.
Richie: I can't believe it.
Francis: I know.
Richie: You're jealous of me and Edwin being buds, so you're trying to shove a wedge between us. That's sad, man.
Francis: Just remember I told you.
Richie: Whatever, man. Sour grapes.
Francis: But I told you.
Richie: Whatever.

Malcolm: [to camera] Think! Think! I'm a genius. I can think of something. Why can't I think of something?

Mrs. Griffin: Where you been, car thief? Come back to steal my jewelry?
Malcolm: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was a horrible mistake. I don't know why I would do something so stupid, but I did and I'm sorry. Oh, my God, my mom's here. What am I going to do? You're a good lady. You're a good person. Please, if you have any shred of decency you'll give me a five-second head start so I can head towards Mexico. [knock on door] Please, I'm begging you. You don't know what she's capable of.

Lois: Malcolm, get your things. We're going home. I am so sorry for all of this.
Mrs. Griffin: Sorry for what?
Lois: My son stole your car... and he was out joyriding in it.
Mrs. Griffin: Joyriding? That was no joyride for me. I was passed out in the backseat.
Lois: What?
Mrs. Griffin: I made a mistake with my medication, and he drove me to the hospital.
Malcolm: [to camera] Huh?
Lois: He was driving you to the hospital?
Mrs. Griffin: Yes, who else is going to do it? I'm just an old woman. I live alone.
Lois: Malcolm, when there's an emergency, you should come to us.
Malcolm: Yeah, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Because I wasn't thinking and I just did it. I'm sorry. And I... yeah.
Lois: Well, it was pretty quick thinking.
Mrs. Griffin: He's a good boy. I don't know what I would have done without him.
Malcolm: Thanks.
Mrs. Griffin: In fact, he's so kind... he offered to come help me before school every day, too.
Lois: Before school? Really?
Mrs. Griffin: I thought that was too much, too. Especially since these old bones heal so slowly... it'll be months. But he insisted. Didn't you?
Malcolm: Yeah.
Mrs. Griffin: Ooh, these corns are burning. You'd better go get the lotion.
Lois: Well, I'll leave you to your work. Guess you won't be coming home for supper. And to think, I was all ready to punish you. [door closes]
Mrs. Griffin: Don't just stand there, thief. Let's go.