Lois: Stupid hot sauce.
Hal: You okay?
Lois: Dewey's been absolutely horrible to me. I know we missed the flight, I know I hurt his fingers, I know this isn't the greatest day of his life, but he's been acting like I'm trying to ruin his contest on purpose.
Hal: Well, honey, it has been an awful lot of stuff in a row.
Lois: What are you saying, Hal? You agree with him? You actually think that I would?
[Dewey screams as Lois finally rips open the hot sauce packet as he stands next to her]

Ida: Pack up my things, cow. We leave in five minutes.
Reese: [still strapped to the board] No, wait. Don't go! I got two out of three. There must be some way I can marry Raduca.
Ida: It is impossible. You're not a man. The most you can ever hope to be now is a very butch woman.
Reese: Well, I'm going to marry her anyway!
Ida: It is forbidden. The ways don't allow you.
Reese: Well, then from now on, I reject your ways forever! [Ida gasps] [to Raduca] Listen, I'm not the perfect guy. I might not even be a good guy. But if you marry me, we'll both be certain for the rest of our lives that I never could have done any better.
Ida: She will never marry a dronska like you. She's a good girl.
Raduca: I will marry you.
Ida: I forbid you to do this!
Raduca: You cannot forbid me. I am American girl now. I have iPod. I wear thong. I shave!
Ida: Hide your shame, whore!
Reese: You can't talk to my wife that way. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with the woman I probably love. [they hug through the board]

Hal: Well, apparently only permanent blindness gets you bumped up to first class.

Malcolm: I have to hand it to you, Mom, having Grandma look after us sure kept us out of trouble.
Lois: Where's your brother?
Malcolm: In Vegas.
[meanwhile:]
Minister: I now pronounce you man and wife.
Reese: I'll do everything I can to make you happy. As soon as we get home, I'm kicking Dewey and Malcolm out of the big bed.