‘The Scorpion and the Toad’
Season 2, Episode 2 - Aired September 25, 2006
Barney helps Marshall get back on to the singles' scene, but he keeps stealing Marshall's potential dates. Meanwhile, Ted doesn't believe Lily is as happy as she claims.
Quote from Marshall
Barney: Hi, Marshall.
Marshall: No, go away, I don't want to talk to you.
Barney: OK. I know what I did a couple nights back was is in a moral grey area. But the great news is she loved you. If things had gone your way, you'd gone out a couple time, I think she definitely would've had sex with you.
Marshall: There is no "would" in sex. [laughs] There totally is.
Quote from Marshall
Marshall: Lily. What are you doing here?
Lily: Oh, I-I was just walking by. I wasn't... Oh, you mean, New York? My program ended. It was just great. Just lots of fun. It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm so sorry Marshall. And, hello.
Marshall: Lily, this was the worst summer of my life.
Lily: I know. It was the worst summer of my life.
Marshall: It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
Lily: Can we please get back together?
Marshall: All that crap you said to me about, "We need to figure out who we are outside of us, and we need to learn to do things on our own." It broke my heart. Three months ago, you broke my heart.
Lily: Can we please get back together?
Marshall: Lily, you were right. All that crap was right. So, no. No, we can't get back together. We shouldn't. At least, not right now.