Ted: All right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that. One, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you. You should totally ask her out.
Marshall: You think?
Ted: Yeah, that why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.
Marshall: Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes it on all the cups?
Ted: Mine says "Ted," no heart.
Barney: Mine says "Swarley." How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called "Swarley"? [Ted and Marshall look at Barney] Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley." This would never happen at a bar! [Barney storms off]

[As Lily, wearing a rain coat pulled over her backpack and her head, chases Marshall's girlfriend through the rain-drenched streets of New York:]
Lily: [inner monologue] There she is. She doesn't look that great. She's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. I know tons of skinny, ugly women. That's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, I'm talking to you. Come on, Chloe, turn around. Here we go. Turn around, Chloe. Come on, show me that hideous face. Damn it! Ooh, I know, I'll get ahead of her, then I'll cut back so I... [walks into a pipe] Aah! Oh, my God, that hurts! Turn around! Come on! Just turn around! Okay, this is ridiculous. [out loud] Hey! [inner monologue] Turn around! What's the matter with you? [out loud in gruff voice] Hey, you! Turn around! Turn around, Chloe!

Marshall: Do you really think she likes me? I mean, I guess it's not that surprising. Every time I come in here, I totally crack her up.
[flashback:]
Chloe: Marshall, here's your pumpkin latte.
Marshall: Wow. How did you fit a pumpkin in this little cup?
[another flashback:]
Man: I'll have a pumpkin latte.
Marshall: How do they even fit a pumpkin in those little cups? What? You got a shrink ray back there? [Wendy laughs]
[another flashback:]
Marshall: Hey, remember that time I said that thing about how do they fit a pumpkin into that little cup?
Chloe: Which time?
Marshall: The first time.
Chloe: [laughs] Yeah. That was really funny.

Robin: I love that look. I think I slept with you because of that look. And it's fake?
Ted: Oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away and thrusting your chest out is natural?
Robin: Yeah, I hear you.

Ted: Hey, dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric. Is it foreign or something?
Barney: Wow. It is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted. It's Moroccan, actually.
Ted: Whoa.
Carl: I got a call for Swarley. Is there a Swarley here?
Barney: You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?
Ted: Hmm?
Carl: Swarley!
Ted: [into his cell phone] Yeah, I know he's there. It's really important. Could you ask again?
Carl: Important call for Swarley!
Marshall: Geez, can't you hear him, Swarley? There's a call for you.
Barney: Stop calling me that.

Robin: What's up Swarlz?
Barney: No. Okay? No. No more. I will not let this become a thing. It's over. No more Swarley. No Swarlz. No more Swar-lay. No more Swar - wait for it - ley. No more Bob Swarley, mon. No more. No! It's over. Do you understand?
Robin & Lily: Yes.
Barney: Thank you.
[Barney walks away with a note reading "Call me Swarley" pinned to his back]

Carl: Phone call for Swarles Barkley?
Robin: [takes phone] Hey, Ted. No, he's not here. Good one, though. Remember that one.

Barney: You know, I was thinking about this whole new name thing last night, and you know what I realized? I like it.
Robin: You like being called Swarley?
Barney: Are you kidding? I want you to call me that.
Ted: Do you really think this is gonna work?
Barney: Do I think what's gonna work? I'm just saying, I love my new name, so please only call me that from now on.
Ted: Call you what?
Barney: You know, that-that-that new name that you've been calling me.
Ted: Say it.
Barney: Why? You guys know what it is.
Ted: Say the name.
Barney: No, I don't want to! I hate it! I hate it! It's not funny! It's never been funny! I've never done any... No!

Ted: Man, he is really gonna lose it when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in.
Robin: I signed him up for People in Espanol, but I addressed it to Swarlos.

Future Ted: [v.o.] Lily did what any sensible woman would do. She hid under the desk. And she stayed there, listening to her ex-fiance on a date with another woman.
Chloe: I had a really nice time tonight.
Marshall: Yeah, me, too. Stop blinking.
Chloe: I like your eyes a lot, too.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Finally, much like Billy Joel, she couldn't take it anymore.
Lily: Stop!